Harried over my hair

3/31/11 – Sorry I did not blog yesterday but Todd and I met a friend from out of town and went to eat at the Vortex.  I was trying to decide between the nacho tots (like nachos but with tater tots instead) and a cheese burger.  I asked our server and she said “We’re not known for our nacho tots”.  They are known for their burgers.  Decision made.  Burger and drinks ordered!  I can honestly say that was one of the best burgers I’ve had.  Instead of regular cheese I got the whisky pimento cheese on my burger along with tater tots as my side.  Delicious!

I am starting to notice that my hair is thinning.  I knew it had started to thin but actually noticing it is a little different.  I went in to work yesterday.  As I was getting ready I looked at my hair and could just tell that it wasn’t as thick as it used to be.  Every time I wash my hair I see a nice chunk of hair come out.  I can’t really explain how it feels to watch it as it washes down the drain.  I’m thinking “Really?  I have to go through all this and feel this way and on top of that watch my hair go down a drain?”  Kind of like losing a part of you but you can’t control it. 

 Just imagine if you were in the shower and your normal amount of hair came out – no biggie right?  Now imagine you’re washing your hair and as you massage the shampoo in you pull your hand away and it has hair all over it.  You rinse you hair and hair comes out as you slick the water out of your hair.  Of course you have to condition too which only provides more time for more hair to come out.  After showering you brush your hair and wonder just how much more is going into your brush nowadays.  For me, I also put a leave in conditioner and some gel to control my curls and the same process happens all over again.  Sure it is a little at a time but when you look back on it, it is a lot more than any normal hair shedding.    You would think I could just stop washing my hair and the problem would be fixed.  Think again.  All I have to do is touch or look at my head really hard and it just falls out on its own.  I have to face it, it’s just going to happen. 

I think women are very sensitive about their hair.  I know I am.  As the hair goes down the drain I wonder if my hair is still growing and how much longer my hair will continue to thin.  I’m only on treatment 4.  I have 8 more to go.  How much more noticeable is it going to get? 

There are times when I’m watching the last strand of hair slide down the drain that I just wish it would all fall out because if it all fell out then I wouldn’t have to lose it day after day.  It would just be done.  The problem with that is (1) I don’t know what I would look like with a bald head.  Some people can pull it off but until it happens you don’t know if you’re one of those people. (2) If all my hair fell out that would also mean that I wouldn’t have eyebrows or eyelashes.  I don’t think I could survive long without eyelashes.   I love mascara too much.

I process these thoughts and shrug my shoulders and say “Eeeh… I can do this.  It will come back.”  As of right now I don’t think anyone other than me can notice and my hair is only supposed to thin, not completely fall out.  I told Todd about being able to notice a difference in my hair and he kind of just shrugged it off.  I wanted a little sympathy.  Maybe guys are just programmed to be ok with hair loss.  For me it is short of traumatic.  I needed a hug and a “You hair looks great baby”.  Maybe the lack of response means that he thought I was being silly and my hair looked just as good as normal?  I have rather large hair in general and I had my hair cut shorter to make it look thicker.  All of that said, it’s still hard because I know even if no one else does. 

It’s times like that.  When I’m having a good week and I’m feeling great that the chemo likes to remind me that I’m not as normal as I feel. 

I can still do this.  I’m still the same ol’ Shea.  God is still in control and I’m still not scared.  I’m still a person though and I do still have feelings.  I’m not always as strong as I appear but I never doubt the fact that I will make it through.

Since today is the last day of colon cancer awareness month we will have one final fact.  www.cancer.org

Can you reduce your risk for cancer recurrence?

Most people want to know if there are things they can do to reduce their risk of getting cancer again (either a recurrence or a new cancer). Unfortunately, for most cancers there is little solid evidence that can guide people in this direction. This doesn't mean that nothing will help -- it's just that for the most part this is an area that hasn't been well-studied. Most studies have looked at ways of preventing cancer in the first place, not preventing recurrences.

One thing that can help is going for follow-up exams, especially colonoscopy. We know that colonoscopy can find polyps before they become cancers. Regular colonoscopy can help prevent any new colon cancers.

However, some studies have pointed to exercise and having a healthy diet as things people can do that might help reduce the risk of colorectal cancer returning.

Today has been a pretty slow day for me.  I worked from home because I was so tired from yesterday and I know I’m working a full day tomorrow.  Rest is key.  If I could have anything to eat I would like an apple and some peanut butter.  My song of the day is “Whip My Hair” by Willow Smith.

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Whip+My+Hair/3oJ5Iw?src=5

Night y’all!

Flight Fears

3/29/11 – Contrary to popular belief I did not have chemo today.  When I went to chemo on the 15^th I asked if I could have 2 weeks between my next treatment so I would be healthy when I go to D.C. to visit my sister and brother-in-law.  I was expecting a little push back, but she said “sure”, just as sweet as you please.  Now, if only everything could be that easy.

I’ve enjoyed my 2 week reprieve from chemo.  I am probably going to be very disappointed when I have to go back next week.  It’s nice feeling so good for a longer stretch.  Makes me feel a little more normal. 

I am super excited about my trip to D.C.  I have lots of things planned.  We fly out on a Thursday and I knew there was no way I was going to get on a plane feeling like I normally do on Thursdays of chemo week – like I’ve been hit with a bag full of baseballs a few times.  That would have been terrible.  Now I should feel well and have a lot more energy.

There is one thing that I am nervous about – going through security.  I seriously wonder if I will go off.  I mean, I have a port in me!  According to my doctor it is made of titanium so it might go off.  He said that it shouldn’t be a big deal because a lot of people have ports so the security should be used to it.  I do have a little card that identifies where my port is and what it is made out of.  I just have this fear of being asked to go into the secure area and having to be frisked with the hand held metal detector.  That would be so embarrassing!  Can’t I pull the cancer card and get out of the scan all together? 

Have I ever shared my airport screening story?  Todd and I were flying to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back for vacation.  I was wearing a purple dress with hot pink peep toe flats and a light scarf that matched.  I know my clothes really don’t matter, but I think they play into the story.  I was wearing happy colors.  I thought I looked cheerful.  I was going to Florida!  I was on vacation!  There was a longer line than usual going through security.  When I arrived at the person that checks your ticket and ID she looked at me much longer than everyone else.  (I know I need to get my picture updated but that’s such a hassle).  Remember, I was happy…. She looks at me and says “Miss are you ok?  You appear agitated.” Agitated???  I wasn’t agitated, at least I don’t think I was agitated.  As she says this thoughts start to run through my mind – “Oh, no!  I’m being profiled!” “She’s probably already alerted the scanner guys to check my bags thoroughly.”  “I just want to go to Florida.”  “Agitated? Really?”  I turned to her and said “No, I’m just ready to get to my gate.”  I swear I started to sweat after the said that and was a nervous wreck until I made it to my gate.  She thought I was agitated but all she did was manage to really stress me out!  To this day I still get nervous when I get to the check point.

We have a few last days of colon cancer awareness before the month is out.  www.cancer.org

Can colorectal polyps and cancer be found early?

Regular screening can often find colorectal cancer early, when it is most likely to be curable. In many cases, screening can also prevent colorectal cancer altogether. This is because some polyps, or growths, can be found and removed before they have the chance to turn into cancer.

In case any of you are wondering how I’m feeling lately, I feel great!  I know I’ve mentioned that when my “up” week comes I wake up on Monday and feel as close to normal as I can get.  I really feel awesome.  I can’t even tell that something is “wrong” with me until I over do it.  That’s really the only thing that reminds me that I’m not 100% - when I work a full day in the office or try to do too much.  I just get tired.  That’s a little hard to deal with because I do feel so good.  It’s like the cancer/chemo is saying “Yeah, you only think you’re back to normal”.  Slap in the face.  But, I do have to remember that it could be worse.  At least I do feel good.

If I could have anything to eat I would like some Publix BBQ chips (they’re the best) and a Coke Icee.  I’ve been trying to eat healthy so junk food just sounds fabulous.  My song of the day is “Superhero” by Matchbox 20.

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Superhero/2tEyUZ?src=5

Night y’all!

Top Gun Monolog

3/28/11 - Yesterday Todd and I took it easy.  It had been a long weekend of waking up early for me, so I needed some time to decompress.  I was also slightly sore from the race Saturday.

We watched 2 movies – Baby Momma, which is hilarious, and Top Gun.  Have you ever noticed in Top Gun how Tom Cruise’s character is always sweaty?  I mean, he is overly sweaty.  I said something to Todd about it and Todd said <in his macho voice> “that’s because he’s flying a plane” or “that’s because he’s on a battle ship”.  Why should that matter?  Is it really hot on a plane or a battle ship?  Is he maybe concentrating on something really, really hard?  I don’t understand.  The other dudes in the movie look sweaty too for some reason but Tom Cruise’s character looks more sweaty than the others.

This also gets me to thinking – how did they do that for the movie?  How did they make it look so accurate?  I mean he has beads of sweat all over his forehead and all over his face, but it really does look like sweat.  They could have sprayed him with a water bottle but I don’t think it would have looked like that.  I think it would have looked like a spray from a water bottle.  What could they have used?  Maybe a very fine mist spray or something?  This really is something that I think of.  It is bothering me a little.

While we are on the topic of Top Gun, ladies have you ever wondered why guys are ok with this movie.  I mean, they don’t mind watching it one bit, but they have problems with any other romantic movie.  I know as soon as I put on some girly movie Todd immediately checks out – snooze fest.  But, when we are watching Top Gun he’s invested in the story and pays attention the whole time.  I honestly don’t understand.  Guys, like it or not, Top Gun is a romantic and heartfelt movie.  There is the whole love interest thing, when Goose dies Maverick has a hard time getting over the loss, and then he and his bitter rival are there for each other in a trying time and bro-hug it out in the end.  Don’t even get me started on the music playing in the background.  Call me crazy but that sounds like a girl movie to me.  Do the air planes and the shooting really make that much of a difference to make it manly enough to watch?  Really?

Today has been interesting.  I woke up to rain pouring down.  This is not generally a big deal but I had planned to do my half day in the office/half day work from home deal.  I knew from the sound of the rain that driving was not going to be fun.  Since I suffer from a sometimes severe case of chemo brain I decided that driving was not my best option.  I would just work from home.  I woke up and grabbed the laptop to start my work day.  The battery was dead on the laptop so I looked for the charger.  I had brought it with us to Alabama this weekend so I could stay up to date on my blogging.  I walked outside to get the charger out of my car and discovered there was no car in my driveway.  No, the car wasn’t stolen.  Todd had driven the car to work instead of the truck trying to save on gas.  I called Todd to make sure he hadn’t taken the charger out of the car and put it somewhere in the house.  Nope.  The charger was still in the car.  Great.  I’m supposed to be working but I have no way to get online.  I would have driven to Todd’s work and just gotten the charger and come home but because of all the rain traffic was bad – it took Todd an hour and 45 minutes to make it to work instead of the usual 30.  No way was I getting out in that.  We decided to meet for lunch. 

Lunch was lovely.  I had never been to Jimmy John’s before.  Their sandwiches are very fresh and the salt and vinegar potato chips were kind of like the kettle chips.  I love chips that are folded over so they have an extra crunch.  After lunch I grabbed the charger and headed home.  I had a lot of work in front of me but I’m sure I can get through it during the week.  I love being able to work and having something to do.  All in all, today has not gone the way I planned, but it hasn’t been a bad day either.

Todd and I are moving on to our third movie that we recorded yesterday Tin Cup later tonight.  I’ve never seen it before and Todd said that it was pretty good.  I like Kevin Costner so I’m game.  Hopefully this movie will not warrant an entire dialog but you never know.  If I could have anything to eat I would like some spaghetti and garlic bread.  My song of the day is “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” by the Righteous Brothers.  Come on guys…. Admit it.  Top Gun is a romantic movie.

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/You+ve+Lost+That+Loving+Feeling+top+Gun+/3vrhNK?src=5

Night y’all!

Rumpshaker!

3/26/11 – What a great day!  What a great day!

I had an awesome day.  We arrived at Scott and Ashley’s late last night but had a delicious dinner.  I stayed up entirely too late and had to wake up entirely too early.  We woke up at 5:30 to head to the race.  I peeled myself out of bed and put on my race day outfit.  Shirt, shoes, capris, hat – check, check, check, check!  Powdered donuts – breakfast of champions.

We arrived at the race and met our team.  Mine and Scott’s bibs were blue since we are both colon cancer survivors.  Everyone else’s bibs were white.  My goal for the race was to do 3.1 miles around 45 minutes. 

You should have seen all the people at the race.  There was a team that wore plastic butts on top of their shorts.  I loved looking at all the t-shirts – “Semi Colon”, “Bustin’ Our Bootie for Bill’s Patootie”, “Rollin’ With the Colon”, “Butt Hutt”, "Baby Got Back", "The Ben Dovers", "Bouncing Badonkadonks", "Your Worst Enema", "We've Got the Runs" and of course “Shea’s So Full of It”! I enjoyed looking at all the names and all the fun socks that people were wearing.

Scott and I were on the lookout for other colon cancer survivors.  We saw a few but we really were the youngest we saw.  We were there representing.  I’m so glad I did the race.

Ashley and I walked/jogged together.  Ashley walks crazy fast.  Her one stride was at least 2 steps for me.  Since there were so many people in the race when we crossed the start almost 5 minutes after the race had actually started.  I used my app on my phone to track our “real” time.  We consistently walked a 15 minute mile.  I am happy to report that I crossed (running) the finish line at 45:54!  I count that as a win.  I was so happy.

When we crossed the line I got a cool colon cancer key chain since I am a survivor.  I was breathing so hard it was hard for me to understand what the lady who handed me the key chain and note was saying.  “Lady, I just sprinted.  I’m focusing on breathing here.”  I had to take several minutes to recover after the race, but I was happy.

After the race we headed over to check out all the vendors.  There were bands playing and I walked through the inflatable colon.  That’s right people, inflatable colon!  It’s a tunnel but it looks like the inside of your colon and shows the different stages of colon cancer. 

I then hit the popsicle stand.  Heck yeah!  There were orange cream Blue Bell popsicles.  Yum! 

After checking out all the vendors we went to McDonalds to meet our team and catch up a little bit.  I had a great time.  I love catching up with my Judson girls.  I was so glad they created the team and that they all came to support me and such a great cause.  I heart my Judson girls!

We then headed back to Tuscaloosa to wash off.  We stopped by Gigi’s cupcakes to get a post race snack.  OMG, people!  OMG!  Those cupcakes were awesome.  Todd and I got a midnight magic chocolate chip cupcake, hot fudge sundae cupcake, and a lemon icebox cupcake.  I still haven’t finished all the cupcakes but they are awesome.

I had a great day.  I was so glad that I was able to run.  I guess some good came out of my white blood count being low.  My cupcake is starting to wear off and I would like some fried dill pickles.  My song of the day is “All I do is Win” by T-Pain (War Eagle, baby).

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/All+I+Do+Is+Win/2Zs1HD?src=5

Night y’all!

Greetings from Alabama

3/25/11 – Greetings from Alabama!  I am typing while riding down the road.

Todd and I packed up and headed to Alabama after work for the Rumpshaker 5K!  We are going to stay with friends and then run tomorrow morning.  I am a little nervous about the race since I’m mostly walking.  When you walk they sometimes push you over to the sidewalk and that just seems a little demeaning to me.  I know that’s the way it is, but I really do hope I do well.  There are also supposed to be a lot of people participating in the race and large crowds sometimes make me nervous.  I’ll feel better once it all starts and I’m in control.  Right now there is too much I don’t know ahead of me.

So, Todd and I are bookin’ it down the road.  We had to stop in Birmingham to pick up our race packet from Christina and Amanda.  My phone randomly goes black and is unusable at times – it just so happened to pick the moment I needed to call Christina to tell her we were close and about to pick up our packets from her to conk out.  I get the number off Todd’s email and we decide that Todd can navigate his way to the pickup spot while I call Christina on his phone.  As my call is connected I watch Todd get off on the wrong exit – “13A!” “13A!” “Not 13B.”  He navigates to what appears to be an access road thinking we could get to 13A – wrong.  It spit us back out on the interstate.  We had to go to the next exit and turn around.  Generally this is not that big of a deal, but the opposite direction on the interstate was slammed because there was a wreck about a quarter mile up.  Great….  Traffic.  We make it through the traffic fine.  The interesting part that I want to draw your attention to is not the fact that we were sitting in a little traffic, but the fact that when we got off on the exit I looked to the left and saw cars coming toward us.  Hunh…? I thought WE had gotten off on the only exit there?  Where are these cars coming from?  I notice there is dust kicking up under their tires – “They’re not on a road!”  Tons of cars had pulled off the interstate onto the grass and off roaded it to the exit we were on!  I have never, never seen that done before.  Only in Alabama.

Today started entirely too early for me.  I fully believe in the power of sleep and the fact that I haven’t been getting a lot lately just makes me irritable when I have to wake up early.  Why is it that when you’re having problems sleeping you always seem to get the best rest right before you have to wake up?  That’s just not fair.  Today I was going in to work early so I could get off work early to leave for the race.  No one should have to be at work at 7:00 on a Friday.  I think Friday hours (if you have to work at all) should be 9:30 – 3:00 with an hour and a half lunch in between.  I know I don’t fully wake up until 9:30 on a good day (you have to give the coffee time to kick in). 

I remember someone called me at 8:00 on the dot one morning.  I had just gotten in to the office and clearly had not had my coffee infusion.  I believe I answered the phone and said “Do you realize it is only 8:00 and my coffee hasn’t had time to kick in yet?”  My brain is running on auto pilot between the hours of 8:00 and 9:30 and also any time after 5:00.  I do not answer hard questions, so please don’t ask any.

It is almost 9:00 as I’m writing this and we haven’t had dinner yet.  I did have a substantial lunch with my co-workers but I’m about to start gnawing on my door handle if I’m not able to eat soon.  If I could have anything to eat right now I would like fish tacos (not the fried kind).  I would probably need 3 because I’m starving.  My song of the day is “Rumpshaker” by Wreckx-N-Effect in preparation for the race tomorrow.

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Rumpshaker/2IQ2DZ?src=5

I will make sure to take lots of pictures at the race.  Be ready to have a blog all about the race and colon cancer tomorrow.  Night y’all!

Music and Stretchy Pants

3/24/11 – Hello again. 

Today I went in to work for half a day and finished working from home.  I really enjoyed that because it allowed me to be in the office but still not get overly tired.  I’m heading back in to work tomorrow for my newly appointed Shea Fridays where I work the Fridays of my “up” weeks.  Remember I’m doing this for fashion!  I’m also doing it to maintain the integrity of my blog.  Let’s face it, there are only so many topics you can come up with while working from home.  Life is pretty boring.  So, let’s get started. 

As I was driving in to work this morning I found it hard to find a radio station that was actually playing music.  I had zero desire to listen to any talk and the Christian station that I usually love had decided to have people call in and tell inspirational stories about how they or some they knew had overcome some tragic event in their life and made it into a positive.  Maybe I should have paid more attention to this, but to be honest that was the last thing I wanted to hear this morning - I kind of feel like I’m living it so I don’t want to hear about other stuff too.  Denial, I tell you. Denial.

So, I have no other option but to flip through radio stations.  As I’m flipping back and forth I find it slightly comical the variety in types of music I’m listening to.  I have a Christian radio station, a rock radio station, and a generic pop radio station.  I took the time to write down (not while driving, of course… <shoulder shrug, innocent face>) the 3 songs I listened to in a row.  “Awake and Alive” by Skillet, then “I Am” by Mark Shultz, and then “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz.  In case any of you would like to listen to my weird morning mix the links are below. 

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Awake+And+Alive/2tEpic?src=5

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/I+Am+Mark+Shultz/2YBdde?src=5

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Dynamite/2MuoY1?src=5

To be honest.  I love all of these songs.  Isn’t it funny all the different song types that we like?  I’m a little bit country and a little rock and roll.

Once I left work I ran by Target to pick out a race day outfit since Todd had kindly given me a gift card during chemo week.  I don’t normally buy outfits for a race but I thought in this case it would really be nice and it was sweet of Todd to think of it.  So off to Target I went.  Why is it that all the active wear at Target is designed for skinny people?  That just doesn’t make sense to me.  No.  I do NOT want to shove my butt into stretch pants or short shorts.  Why? Why is there not some selection for people who NEED to work out and not just people who DO workout?  Plus, don’t active wear designers realize that all people (men and women alike) all have different body shapes?  Some of us have hips.  Some of us have curves and to be honest I do not want a thin piece of stretchy cotton that might snap to be the only thing between me and the world.  There’s no need for all that business. 

                Dear Target Active Wear Department,

Please take a reality pill and realize that men and women come in all shapes and sizes and some of those sizes do not need to be in tight stretchy pants.  Please!  Do not make them only have tight stretchy pants to choose from.  I’m begging you.  That’s what wrong with the world today – people already wear things they shouldn’t why encourage them?

Your faithful consumer,

Shea

On to our colon cancer fact of the day. www.cancer.org

What are the risk factors for colorectal cancer?

A risk factor is anything that affects your chance of getting a disease such as cancer. Different cancers have different risk factors. For example, exposing skin to strong sunlight is a risk factor for skin cancer. Smoking is a risk factor for cancers of the lungs, larynx (voice box), mouth, throat, esophagus, kidneys, bladder, colon, and several other organs.

               

But risk factors don't tell us everything. Having a risk factor, or even several risk factors, does not mean that you will get the disease. And some people who get the disease may not have any known risk factors. Even if a person with colorectal cancer has a risk factor, it is often very hard to know how much that risk factor may have contributed to the cancer.

Researchers have found several risk factors that may increase a person's chance of developing colorectal polyps or colorectal cancer.

-          Age

-          Personal history of colorectal polyps or colorectal cancer

-          Personal history of inflammatory bowel disease

-          Family history of colorectal cancer

-          Inherited syndromes

-          Certain types of diets

-          Physical inactivity

-          Obesity

-          Smoking

-          Heavy alcohol use

-          Type 2 diabetes

-          Night shift work

-          Previous treatment for certain cancers

 

I know I had one similar to this already but I thought this one had a little bit more information and was a interesting. 

All in all today has been a good day.  If I could have anything to eat I would like a Five Guys burger with fries and a Coke.  My song of the day is one from my list above.  I’ve had “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz stuck in my head all day.  Yes, I even did a little car dancing.  Embarrassing.

Night y’all!

3:00 am, I'm awake writing a blog

3/24/11 – Hello 3:00 am, how’s it going?

I’m not sure why I’m wide awake again, but I am.  I blame Buster.  He woke me up at 2:28 (I looked at the clock) to go to the bathroom.  Buster uses the “nudge mom’s side of bed and whine until she wakes up” approach.  Highly effective but it never endears me to him at that time of the morning.  You would think that Buster would go to the bathroom before going to bed but he must like this time for some reason.  I think he thinks I’ll let him get in the bed once he comes back inside – wrong!  Percy always runs along and goes to the bathroom too.  He never bothers to wake me up in the middle of the night.  He uses the “pee or poop somewhere where mom won’t find it until a couple days later and can’t spank me approach”.  I guess I should cut Buster some slack.

So now I’m awake and can’t fall asleep all because of the dogs.  My usual thoughts keep running through my mind, mostly my mean letter I’m composing to Jessica Simpson Collection about my bathing suit.  I’m not sure why it bothers me so much but it does.  I also worry about the race this weekend.  I know I’ll finish but I do want to have a good time for a walker.  I just don’t like unresolved issues or the unknown.

I’m going in to work tomorrow, so I’m also planning what to wear in my head.  That usually helps me fall asleep though.  I plan my outfits while falling asleep a lot.  On the days that I don’t look so hot that’s it’s usually because I was really tired the night before and couldn’t complete my thought process before konking out.  Some people count sheep, I plan outfits.  I also like to think of which shoes to wear with different outfits.  Shoes make me happy.

Being awake so many nights in a row has made me realize just how comfortable I am walking around in the dark.  I’ve never been afraid to walk about in the middle of the night without turning lights on.  Growing up I used to walk all the way from my bedroom to the kitchen (other side of the house) without turning on a single light just to get some orange juice.  Why should that change once I’m grown up?  My only real fear is being attacked by Stella the stealth bomber on my way to my destination.  If I ever do turn a light on I always find that she’s never too far away from where I am. 

Todd doesn’t have the same comfort with the darkness though.  Before going to bed he always turns the light on his nightstand before turning off the main light in the bedroom.  It only takes 5 steps to get to the bed, so why waste the energy turning on a light?  I do have an irrational fear that someone is going to grab my ankle as I go to get in bed, but I don’t think having a light on would change that.  I have always had this fear but I blame Stella for making it worse because when she was a kitten she would play under the bed and would swat at your feet and you made the last jump into bed.  Yes, jump, you read that right.  Those of us who fear being grabbed while getting into bed to not merely “get” into bed, no, we literally “jump” into bed because jumping might just throw off whoever/whatever it is that is under the bed and free us from their clutches.  I guess I should examine the fact that if there was someone or something under my bed in the first place I might have a larger problem than just freeing my ankle.  Oh, well.

I don’t think there is really any more to say that hasn’t been said tonight/this morning.  I actually have the perfect song for my situation “Breathe (2 am)” by Anna Nalick.

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Breathe+2am+/2KT3Lc?src=5

Sleep.

Stop light contemplation

3/23 – Happy Wednesday!  If the weather stays the same it’s going to be a beautiful weekend. 

The other day on my way to Kroger I was behind a car that had removed all the make and model detail and used the letters to spell “SIR WILLIAM” on the back of the car.  The letters were not straight which really bothered me.  All of this got me to thinking – Why does this person think they deserve to be called “Sir William”?  What would they do if they met a real Sir William?  Would they say “Oh, I’m Sir William too!”  Yes, these are all things that really ran through my mind while waiting for the light to change.

I was amazed that someone would actually call themselves that and put it on a car.  I think the car part is what gets me.  Did you know that “sir” was originally used to address knights or barons?  It can also be used in correspondence – such as:  Dear Sir…  What if Sir William is actually this dude’s name?  Let’s imagine that for a second.  Why put it on your car?  Hunh?  So everyone will know that you have a very interesting name or consider yourself to be of equal importance to a knight or a baron? 

All in all, I just found it odd.  And the fact that Sir William shops at Kroger in Suwannee was a little interesting to me too.  I would have thought a Sir William would have had a better car. 

What would you think if I spelled diva on the back of my car?  Would you find that entertaining?  I submit that people who really are divas, or Sir Williams for that matter, do not need to advertise what they are.  People just know.

I took Percy and Buster to the vet this morning.  I’m sure I looked ridiculous bringing a Boxer and a Yorkie in at the same time.  There is a bit of a hight difference and also overall perception of my two dogs.  For some reason people who don’t know Boxers think they are mean just by looking at him.  Buster is very muscular – I hazard to say he has 0 body fat.  He jumps and pounces around.  People think that Percy is sweet and often mistake him for a girl – “oh, she’s so cute”.  The real truth is that Buster couldn’t bite a person if he tried because of his crazy under bite.  He’s very gentle and follows directions relatively well.  Percy is my lean mean canine machine.  I refer to him as Hurricane Percy.  You never know when he is gonna strike and half the time you don’t see him coming because he’s so small.  He leaves a path of fear and destruction in his wake – mostly dog toys and random socks. No, he doesn’t attack people, but he is a heck of a guard dog. 

Whenever something (anything) makes the slightest noise at night Percy is on it! He runs and barks and growls.  True, if someone where breaking into my house they would take one look at Percy and laugh, but I figure Percy’s performance would be enough to wake up Buster and finally draw him out of his bed to bark and growl at the perp.  True Buster is harmless, but he sounds very scary when he does his mean growl - best to not underestimate a mean growl.  Together they are a hilarious looking pair but they are the dynamic duo.  Plus you throw in Ninja Stella to the mix and I have a force to be reckoned with!  She’s scarier than either or the dogs.

Colon cancer fact of the day.  www.cancer.org

What are the key statistics about colorectal cancer?

Excluding skin cancers, colorectal cancer is the third most common cancer diagnosed in both men and women in the United States. The American Cancer Society's most recent estimates for the number of colorectal cancer cases in the United States are for 2011:

·        101,700 new cases of colon cancer

·        39,510 new cases of rectal cancer

On to happier topics.  If I could have anything to eat today I would like a pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, feta, and garlic plus an order of garlic knots and marinara on the side.  My song of the day is “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” by the Spin Doctors.  Haha!

http://listen.grooveshark.com/s/Little+Miss+Can+t+Be+Wrong/2FTlmq?src=5

Night y’all!

Sleepless Thoughts

3/22/11 – 3/23/11 – That’s right, you aren’t seeing things.  This is a second blog of the day. 

I can’t sleep.  I’ve had that problem a lot this past week.  Too much on my mind I guess.  I lie in bed and just think of things – like how I need to take Buster and Percy to the vet tomorrow, get Stella declawed sometime soon, I should have had it done when she was a kitten, what if Todd back isn’t better in the morning and he needs to go to the doctor, how will I do in the race this weekend, why can’t I seem to fall asleep, why didn’t I have my quiet time today, what I’m going to cook for dinner tomorrow.  It doesn’t seem to stop.  Things just keep popping into my head.  Clothes, songs, art ideas.  I guess I should be glad that chemo brain hasn’t completely taken over. 

I also start to compose emails to Jessica Simpson Collection about my swim suit situation that still hasn’t been resolved.  It’s silly that I worry about a bathing suit but I really just want this solved so I can have one less thing to think about.  I write the email over and over in my mind changing little things along the way.

            Dear whoever you are,

Please just send me the bathing suit I’ve paid for.  I just want to look cute and not have to worry about people staring at my 4 inch scar down my stomach.  It’s been over a month since I placed my original order.

Customer service means a lot to me….. why doesn’t it to you? 

Shea

Obviously this is not the email that I would send, but it’s what I would say if I was talking to myself.   – Can’t you see I’ve got enough going on?

I also start to compose my blog while I’m trying to fall asleep.  That never helps me find rest.  I love writing the blog.  It helps me to get my thoughts out and as long as I’m thinking up what to say it just keeps flowing.  I’m sure some of you have gotten sick of reading my daily opinions on all things Bravo, Snickers related, or the latest weird thing I’ve noticed while escaping into human contact but I love it.  I love writing it and I get discouraged when I don’t have anything cool to talk about.  I’m my own worst critic.  I mean, would I really read that?  Come on, I can do better!  You can see why this does nothing to calm me down or help me sleep.  This blog stuff is hard.

I guess I’ve rambled on enough for this time of the morning.  I’m now completely talked out and no other items are coming to mind that need discussion.  Thanks for the listening ear – or in this case, eyes.  I really do love and appreciate all my readers.  Hope you have a great night/day.  Hug!