Orange feet and fat legs...

6/28/11 – And the story continues….

Thursday after meeting Ashley at Walmart we booked it to Birmingham for our mani/pedi.  Ahhh….a mani/pedi, how relaxing.  We went to this place called Modern Nails.  It was really nice.  We started soaking our feet, I had a glass of wine, and we settled in for a relaxing time.  I had just gotten a spray tan the day before.  I got the dark tan this time to look good for the wedding.  Thing about a dark spray tan is that it sprays more on you.  More means darker, which also means that I have to put on more non-tan lotion on my feet and hands to avoid looking weird.  Guess who didn’t put on enough non-tan lotion?  Yes, I am pointing at myself and shaking my head in shame.  Shame.  The tan looked great by the second day but my hands and feet looked orange.  They needed exfoliating – stat!  Well, as the guy got ready to do my pedicure I had to put my foot on the towel for him to look and start working on my nails.  As soon as I pulled that orange foot up on the towel he said “Oh no…”  He was a trooper.  He scrubbed my heels and got all the orange off.  I left an orange ring around the tub! 

Another point of interest during our nail visit happened during my pedicure also.  I was wearing black jean leggings because I wanted to be comfortable but still look kinda cute.  I pulled the jeans up to the top of my calf when we sat down at the pedicure tubs because I knew they usually rub your legs during the whole spa pedicure thing.  So after assessing my orange feet my guy starts to rub the exfoliant stuff on my legs as part of the pedicure.  He sees the top of my jeans that are a little tight since they are leggings are well and says “Those are tight around your legs.  Your legs are fat.”  Hmmm.  Really?  Did I really just hear that?  Why is it that I seem to like that place more as he insulted me?  Maybe because they did really look like that?  There is a restaurant in Atlanta where the waiters and waitresses are very blunt and slightly insulting to their customers.  They have awesome food but they are also known for their atmosphere.  I think this nail salon might be a nail version of this restaurant.  Insult me once and may respect you (as long as I agree), insult me twice I might not be so nice.

Our nails turned out beautiful but took a little longer than we had expected.  After nails we had a lot to do – jewelry, pick up a wedding gift, snag a pair of Yellow Box shoes for me, get groceries for the reception, and pick up platters and crystal bowls for serving.  We headed to the Galleria Mall to pick up jewelry, some Yellow Box shoes, and Jason’s present.  We found the jewelry quickly.  As Ashley went to pick up the wedding gift for Jason, Mrs. Janet and I checked out the shoes.  I’ve never had a pair of Yellow Box shoes but I have worn Ashley’s when I was in town.  They were also on clearance and Mrs. Janet spotted me a $20.  Just enough to get a pair of oh-so-comfy blue and silver sparkly flip flops.  Score!  We were in and out of the Galleria in 15 minutes.  As we were walking through the doors to head back to the truck I said “that was my first time in the Galleria”.  Ashley looked at me and said “Really? That’s sad.  We will have to take you back.”

No time to rest.  Zero time to rest.  It was getting late and we booked it over to Costco.  We noticed there were not many people at Costco and worried that they were closed.  We parked and read on the door that they closed at 8:30.  It was 8:00 and we had Mrs. Janet with us.  I don’t know if you know this about Mrs. Janet but she is a professional shopper.  I should say professional browser.  I once took her into Big Lots for a quick look-and-buy and feared that I might have to camp out because she shopped and shopped and shopped.  Not what I had planned.  Ashley and I feared that we might get locked in Costco over night with the super shopper known as Janet.  Now that would be a story.

Mrs. Janet had to get a Costco card and Ashley and I talked our way in the door to start shopping.  When Ashley and I walked through the doors we were on a mission to get in and get out with Mrs. Janet in tow.  We hit the pickles and olives first and then Mrs. Janet joined us and we booked it to the cheese and produce and fruit finishing off with the rolls and mixed nuts.  There was one moment when I was returning from discovering the cheese’s hiding place that I noticed Mrs. Janet with the cart.  I could tell she was leaning in the direction of her super shopping.  I ran to catch the cart and set her back on track – “what do we need now?  Meatballs? Ok.  Let’s do this!”  I think Ashley and I set some Guinness world record or something – we made it in and out of Costco with Mrs. Janet in less than 30 minutes.  Yes, the “Bamberg Wallet Effect” did strike once again because Mrs. Janet had left her wallet when she got her Costco card.  We still count it as a victory.  I feel like shouting “freedom!” like on Braveheart for some reason. 

After Costco we were starving and I was beyond the hunger irritability line.  We decided on O’Charlie’s but unfortunately they were closed.  Logan’s Roadhouse was nearby so at 9:00 we walked in to eat dinner.  I was starving.  We ordered water and cokes and started chowing down on the yummy rolls and peanuts.  I was starting to look at my arm and contemplating spreading on a little ketchup for flavor, I was so hungry.  The rolls and whipped butter tasted like heaven.  It should come as no surprise that I downed 6 rolls.  Yes, I said 6.  Hungry girl’s gotta eat!  I should share that 3 of the rolls were in my dinner.  I got little sliders that came on rolls.  Ashley and Mrs. Janet both had left overs.  Wimps.  I cleaned my plate.  Hunger happens, foot helps.

It was around 10:00 when we finished up dinner.  We then booked it to Suzanne’s house.  Suzanne was making a chocolate table for the wedding and she has tons of platters and crystal to use for serving.  She stays up late so we headed to her house to pick out what Ashley might want or need to use.  I haven’t seen so much crystal in my life.  Suzanne’s house is beautiful and she had great ideas on what we needed to use and how to make things look good but still be functional.  It took us a while to pick out what we needed and then pack it up.  Mrs. Janet’s hip was starting to bother her so Ashley, Emily (Suzanne’s awesome granddaughter), and I packed and loaded everything.  I was doing the packing.  At one point I couldn’t figure out where the item was that they were telling me to wrap.  Mrs. Janet said something smart to me (in a joking way) and I said “Hey, you have to be nice to me.  I have cancer.”  Suzanne said “you can’t use that excuse for long.”  Reality check.  Thank goodness for that.  They made me laugh. 

The truck was finally loaded.  As Ashley, Mrs. Janet, and I walked to the truck I noticed that all three of us were walking with a limp.  We were worn out.  We made it home on fumes.  I could’ve used a cigarette, oh wait, I don’t smoke.  I definitely needed a drink!  I never worried I would have insomnia that night.  Sleep wasn’t illusive it was demanding. 

That wraps up one more day of the wedding saga.  Don’t fret.  I still have lots – LOTS – more to share about the weekend.  If I could have anything to eat I would like the Gigi’s cupcake that Todd picked up for me and mom.  I had chemo today.  My song of the day is “Take It to the Limit” by the Eagles.  Perfect!  “I’ve always been a dreamer…take it to the limit one more time!”  Dude, I’m pushing it to the limit.  I’ve got this week.  It can’t defeat me because I’m stronger than I know.

http://grooveshark.com/s/Take+It+To+The+Limit/2EV8eC?src=5

I have fat legs…. Oh, well, could be worse.  Night y’all!

No, officer, that's not my girdle

6/27/11 – Oh, blog, how I have missed you.  I had good intentions of writing over the weekend but there just wasn’t time.  I’m going to approach this over a period of time and may have to write a couple blogs to cover the details of the entire weekend.

Alright.  Let’s get to business.  Todd and I headed to Alabama Wednesday night.  Luckily I am blessed/cursed with insomnia during non-chemo weeks.  The insomnia must be stronger than my car narcolepsy because I didn’t even think of catching some car Z’s.  I stayed wide awake and decided to do some car karaoke to entertain Todd.  I’m not sure if I entertained him or annoyed him but it kept us both distracted and wide awake.  I covered all genres of music.  Katy Perry, Adele, country, Bruce Springsteen, even a little rock.  Old, new, good, bad, I did not discriminate.  867-5309-y-ine…. Yep, I went there - been there done that.  No car singing would be complete without the ever so popular hand microphone.  Todd didn’t do so well when I passed the mic to him.  Slacker!  I also brought out my inner diva when I was singing “Firework”.  I explained to Todd that when I stretched my hand out and closed my eyes and sang at the top of my lungs that that meant I was in the diva zone.  I totally rocked it out.

I also channeled my inner Will Ferrell while traveling.  As we passed Talladega I posted “if you’re not first your last”, courtesy of Talladega Nights.  After my awesome singing I had to pull from my Step Brothers knowledge and post “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation”.  I just wish there was a Will Ferrell one liner to describe this weekend – “just like cold case files…. Just like cold case files…”?  Nah.  It wasn’t THAT bad.  = )  More like “I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew” because we all needed ALL the energy we could capture.

Wednesday night we arrived late and just said “hi” to everyone and then turned in.  Thursday morning we slept in a little.  I should have cherished the moment a little bit more.  I knew what was coming, but I don’t think anything can really prepare you for so much work.  After a late breakfast we headed out to the field to shoot guns.  Well, I watched as Todd and Jason shot.  Todd just got a Glock so he and Jason wanted to try it out. They shot the Glock, a 38, a 45, and Jason’s AR15.  I sat on the bench with ear plugs and was the X girl.  I marked X’s on all Jason and Todd’s shots.  I did try to shoot the Glock since I should know how to do it since it is in our house.  I am happy to report that I cocked it and shot it.  No, I did not shoot it well but I did shoot it.  I have a healthy fear of guns so I was done after my one shot. 

Not long after lunch time the resting was done.  Balls to the walls all the way going forward.  Mrs. Janet and I headed to Centreville to drop of one of the flower girl dresses and head to Walmart (our meeting spot with Ashley).  I was so afraid that my dress wouldn’t fit and I left my spanks at home.  Once Mrs. Janet and I got to Walmart we headed to the bodywear area to pick out some shapewear.  Some of those things are scary to look at.  I stared at the selection and picked out one I liked.  Mrs. Janet, Ashley, and I all got the same kind.  I don’t know about you but the bodywear area is not somewhere I want to run into someone, especially a male.  I try to break all eye contact with others as I’m picking out my unmentionables.  It’s just weird.  Well, as soon as Mrs. Janet and I made our selection as we are still standing right in front of all these other granny panties a cop walks up that Mrs. Janet happens to know and she starts talking to him about an uninsured motorist that hit Ashley.  Awkward….  No, officer I was not just staring and picking out shapewear.  No, that’s not my girdle-ish item in my cart.  I so don’t know what you’re talking about.  Of course he didn’t say anything about the shapewear it just was a little odd, only Mrs. Janet could be so comfortable in such a predicament.

I guess that is all I have for this one blog.  Stay tuned for all the juicy wedding details.  It only gets funnier.  If I could have anything to eat I would like a watermelon.  My song of the day is “This” by Darius Rucker.

http://grooveshark.com/s/This/3ey4WB?src=5

Night y’all!

Cussing lets the pain out

6/22/11 – What is wrong with this situation?  Todd and I were sitting upstairs in the Man Cave and Buster decided that he wanted to sit with us. (Todd has gone back on his promise and is allowing the dogs on the new couch.)  So, Buster crawls up and wedges himself between Todd and I.  The longer we sit there the more room Buster begins to take up.  Buster starts poking me with his leg.  I complain that Buster is taking up too much room and soon I won’t have any area on the couch left.  Todd looks at me and says – he actually says this to me – “Since Buster is a male he has more right to be in the room than you.”  Seriously?  Seriously?  Did I just get dissed for a dog? – granted, he’s a cute dog, but a dog…. How rude!

The estrogen levels in the Man Cave are entirely too low.  It is almost at toxic testosterone levels.  Stella and I will just have to watch Pride and Prejudice (the long version) on the fancy TV to help the room recover some.  I may even do my nails while I watch the movie.

Monday night I could not sleep.  Some of you may have read my 3:00 AM monolog about my frustration.  Well, at 12:00 I couldn’t sleep and I was in a lot of pain.  For some reason or other I was so upset I was in a cussing mood.  Stupid throat, stupid medicine, stupid sleep, stupid bed that I ran into walking through the house in the dark (add a *bleep* in place of each “stupid”).  I walk into the bedroom bleeping about one thing or the other and Todd says “why are you cussing so much”?  I looked him straight in the eye and honestly replied “cussing lets the pain out”.  You know when you’re hurting sometimes no other word adequately describes how you feel and then once you say it, it just feels good.  Well, for me it just felt good.  (I have since stopping cussing, for now…)

Staying awake so late really gives you time to think.  I had an epiphany – I should totally work between the hours of 12:00 and 3:30 in the morning.  I could get a lot accomplished during that time and wouldn’t have to work work as long.  In my time between going to bed and 4:30 I wrote letters to my doctors, ate a piece of pizza, talked to Percy, wrote another blog, and contemplated the universe.  It was a very productive time period.  I wonder how on top of accounting facts I would be that early in the morning.  I was very alert.

The morning after my non-sleep I woke up right on time.  Wide eyed and ready to go.  How is it that I was able to even function on only 2 hours of sleep?  I’m still unsure how that worked.  I popped some Tylenol for the throat pain and headed to work.  I stopped by QT (my new addiction) and picked up an iced caramel latte.  One word – delicious!  I drank my coffee concoction and work, work, worked.  After I finished my sweet treat I got some regular coffee – I’m slowing beginning to understand how I stayed awake – caffeine. 

Once I got home yesterday I ate dinner and then crashed.  I had finally gotten my Rx for the thrush and started medicating.  I consulted with my oncologist if I was able to mix all my meds – she said yes.  Ativan and a night’s sleep here I come/came.  After dinner I promptly took my medications and fell asleep to a wonderful night’s sleep.  I am now well rested and starting to feel much better.  Thankfully this has been an abbreviated version of the thrush I had previously.  I’m a little more tired than I should be and my breaths are a little shorter but I could be much worse.  I’ll take it. 

This weekend is the big wedding weekend.  Todd and I are heading to Alabama tonight to help prepare.  I would like to think that I might have a relaxing weekend but I was diagnosed with cancer not stupidity.  It’s gonna be a busy time.  I’ll make sure to update you all on all the funny things that Mrs. Janet does and all the wedding goings on.  Hopefully my bout with bleeping won’t recur.

If I could have anything to eat I would like Chinese chicken (what Todd made for dinner).  I’m hungry.  My song of the day is “Country Song” by Seether.  I’ve had this song stuck in my head all day today and yesterday. 

http://grooveshark.com/s/Country+Song/3CpI8F?src=5

Night y’all.  Holla!

3 AM thoughts

6/21/11 – Guess what?  I’m back.  I can’t sleep. 

Sleep seems to be a real problem for me during non-chemo weeks.  I usually take an Ativan to help me fall asleep.  Each time I take one I feel the overwhelming need to qualify my pill popping.  I usually turn to Todd and say “my oncologist told me I could take this for any of the 3 reasons it’s prescribed.”  (nausea, sleep aid, anxiety)  Todd then calls me a druggie and we fall asleep.  Well, I fall asleep 30 minutes after the pill kicks in.

You may be wondering why I have not taken a pill to simply help me fall asleep.  The answer to that lies in the fact that I now have thrush again, which is very painful, so I took a Percocet to help curb the pain.  I have zero clue if I can take a Percocet and Ativan at the same time and have no desire to find out that they don’t mix the hard way.  I would rather just blog and pass the time until my eye lids finally decide they like to meet occasionally. 

That’s one thing about insomnia.  I can’t seem to keep my eyes closed.  There is something that wills my eyes to be wide open.  It kinda weirds me out lying in bed staring into the darkness.  It’s creepy.  I would much rather do something.

There is some humor in my situation.  When I originally woke up I did what I always do – go to the kitchen and either text Kristina to see if she’s awake too, drink water, or eat something.  I’m not sure why I think that eating will help me fall asleep?  Anyways.  As I stood up and made my way in the dark to the kitchen I could feel the effects of my Percocet.  Percocet usually feels like 2 glasses of wine to me – in a happy place but not too much.  Well, I have a new Percocet prescription and I am wondering if it is for a higher dosage because I was stumbling to the kitchen and when I got back in bed I felt slightly drunk but without the spinning – not a bad feeling to be honest.  This is more like 3 glasses of wine.  I find the humor in this because drinking usually makes me sleepy, but my Percocet unfortunately has not.  Bummer.  Hmmm… maybe I should drink something?  Somehow I don’t think mixing Percocet and alcohol is all that great of an idea either, but I’m not ruling it out just yet.

So now I’m sitting in bed listening to Buster wiggle around and snort trying to find the sweet spot on his dog bed as Percy slightly snores beside me.  Todd can sleep through anything, including my typing at 3 in the morning.  Some people have all the luck.

Well, I guess I will sign off and stare into the darkness a little more.  Maybe Mr. Sandman will find pity on me and I’ll fall asleep soon.  One can only dream – get it? Dream…. Sleep deprivation causes me to make bad jokes. 

Night!

Which one is the blue pill?

6/20/11 – Isn’t it funny that you always manage to catch some cold or some little thing before something big is supposed to happen?  Ashley’s wedding is coming up this weekend and I am a bridesmaid.  I’m really excited about the wedding because (1) I’m excited for the couple (they’re pretty darn cute) (2) I get to wear a beautiful dress (3) I’m making the groom’s cake and it should be awesome.  Somehow I have managed to get thrush again.  Boo.  Yesterday I tried to convince myself that it was just allergies giving me a sore throat.  Overnight the sore throat had intensified so I filled my new handy dandy scrip for Percocet (aka – Shea’s miracle drug).  By this afternoon I was convinced that I had thrush and called my oncologist.  Tomorrow I am getting a new prescription for the antifungal that cures the crud.  I made sure to mention that I had a wedding coming up that I was an integral part in to see if I could get some “super dose” to knock it out faster than what I had before.  I promised Ashley that I would be up there in my dress even if Carley has to hold me up. 

Today wasn’t bad.  I continued to feel better and decided to go in to work this afternoon.  I think making myself do normal things helps to deflect from how I feel from time to time.  It definitely worked today.

Now yesterday I touched on the whole pharmacy subject.  Just what do the pharmacists think of you?  But now let’s move on to another pharmacy thought process.

Have you ever wondered where pharmacies get their name?  I have.  I assume that Walgreens and Eckerds are family names.  But what about CVS.  What does C-V-S stand for?  Consumer Vitamin Sales?  Custom Vitamin Salesmen?  Conservation of Various Substances?  Hmmm…  I mean do we ever think about the names of places that we shop?  Apparently CVS used to stand for "Consumer Value Store” but now it is supposed to stand for “Convenience, Service, Value”.  Even they don’t know what CVS means!

Continuing our thought process, I subscribe to the Dane Cook school of thought that Walgreens should simply be called “The Wall”.  Walgreens takes too much effort.  Eckerds is now Rite Aid.  I just learned that.  I’m not sure how I feel about a store that doesn’t even make the effort to spell right correctly.  I mean, can we realistically assume that they will give us our proper prescriptions?  I am seriously questioning that.

Changing topics a little, have you ever said or ever heard someone say “when I was little I used to go to the general store/convenience store/dime store up the road and get taffy for $.05”?  I know I have.  I actually had my dad show me to spot where the store used to be.  I can’t really remember if he told me that the taffy was $.05 or $.10 but it was relatively cheap by today’s standards.  I’m sure most of you have either said or heard someone say this before.  If you have nod your head.  Alright then.  The person telling the story looks upon this store with nostalgia and it conjures up thoughts of a simplier time.  Here is my question.  What makes these stores any different from a drug store today?  Drug stores like Walgreens, Rite Aid, and CVS sell much more than just medications.  You can get shampoo, cards, squirt guns, milk, toilet paper, and candy all in one stop.  Doesn’t that make a drug store sort of like these stores in the story?  What’s the difference?  Maybe the fact that you don’t always know the person behind the counter? We don’t really think about how easily we have access to things now?  All in all, to a listener of the story about this store of old they sound similar.  Yes, kids have to pay much more for a piece of taffy now days but all in all I think the kids have come out to the good.  Inflation has a little/lot to do with prices and then you have to admit that there is much more selection now.  Kids can choose from taffy, Skittles, Snickers, Sour Patch Kids, Gummy Bears, Butterfinger, …. Pretty much anything.  So are drug stores the new store down the road?  They are pretty much everywhere you look.  You tell me.

Well, that about sums up my thoughts on drug stores and pharmacies in general.  I am thinking of starting my own pharmacy once all my treatments are over to recoup some of my prescription costs.  I plan to name my pharmacy something obscure and weird that makes people contemplate what the name means.  Best to keep people on their toes.

I’m feeling good-ish.  The Percocet is starting to kick in.  If I could have anything to eat I would like a smoothie or something cold to make my throat feel better.  My song of the day is “Just a Girl” by No Doubt because “I’m just a girl livin’ in captivity!”

http://grooveshark.com/s/Just+A+Girl/2qbSJ5?src=5

Night y’all!

Pharmaceutical thoughts

6/19/11 – Hello all.  If you notice the time you will see that it’s a little late.  I just couldn’t fall asleep without touching base.  I haven’t blogged the past few days because I wasn’t feeling all that great.  I started typing something yesterday but I just wasn’t in a good place – ya know what I mean?  Have you ever felt so puny that nothing you say is really positive?  You don’t mean to be down but that seems to be all that comes out when you speak?  What you really want to say is “I’m ok.  It’s hard but I’m making it”, but all that comes out is “This stinks!  I feel terrible”?  Well, that is where I was yesterday, and let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.  I decided to leave all my negativity out in the real world and not in my blog.  Sorry Todd.  Y’all don’t want to read that stuff, we all have enough going on as it is. 

So today I’m feeling more upbeat and slowly getting back to normal-ish.  Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were rough.  I spent most of the days in bed.  I set up chemo headquarters in our guest bedroom.  It seemed like the best place since the TV with the DVR is now in that room and I had recorded a few things, and the fact that I was sitting in a bed all day made random snooze-fests highly advantageous.  I know I have mentioned it time and time again but the main things that I deal with during chemo weak are nausea and weakness.  I think the thing that bothers me the most is the weakness.  The nausea I have come to accept as just part of the process.  The weakness, however, makes the whole chemo deal real.  When you’re watching TV and you see someone who has cancer they look horrible and they can’t get to their bed without help from someone else.  No, I can walk around on my own and I like to think that I look somewhat presentable (possible delusion on my part), but I stumble over my own feet a lot and I have to have help going up and down stairs.  TMI, but the shower is a big deal for me.  Something about the hot water makes me very dizzy and disoriented.  This is just a slice of the pie, yeah….the weakness is the hardest part.

I think I mentioned earlier that I got a new prescription for my nausea.  I originally had 3 medications, 1 of which sort of worked.  I am amazed at how easily I can get prescriptions now days (if my United Health Care case worker or my counselor is reading this I would like to qualify this statement by saying that I am using all medications as prescribed and solely to benefit my health during chemo weeks).  It’s somewhat scary.  When I went into the oncologists the other day I simply said “Is there anything stronger than Ativan I can take for nausea?” Bam!  Prescription in my hand.  Thank goodness I wasn’t voted “most likely to become a street pharmacist” in high school.

Speaking of prescriptions, do you ever wonder what the pharmacist thinks of you when you pick up your prescription?  I do.  I wonder if they try to diagnose what is wrong with each person based on their meds.  And then what if the spouse picks up the med?  Is the person ashamed to pick up the medication all on their own?  Goodness knows I’m not afraid to ask anyone anything after being diagnosed with colon cancer.  You get really comfortable talking with complete strangers about the most intimate things.  “Hello Mr. Pharmacist.  My GI doctor wants me to use an enema but I can’t find the right kind.  Can you help me?”  Um, yes, that is an actual conversation I had with my pharmacist.  Creepy.  God only knows what they have self-diagnosed me with! “Let’s see…she was looking for an enema, gets birth control, pain meds, and a lot of anti-nausea meds…wait, wait, one of the anti-nausea meds can also be used as crazy pills.  Who knows what’s wrong with her, she’s just screwed up.”  Ain’t that right!

I am happy to say that today I am feeling much better.  Still feeling the weakness effects but slowly returning to normal.  Todd and I went to church today and then just took it easy.  I enjoyed a day that was just us.  Church was a little difficult but nothing I couldn’t manage.  Luckily I sit next to another cancer fighter (Sherry!) and she and I try to build each other up through our weakness – we have a sitting pact.  Standing the whole time during a service is hard, especially if you like to sing along.  Breathing is a little difficult, the big screen gets fuzzy, you start to get hot, and then dizzy – dizzy is never a good sign.  You can see why having an ally is a good thing – someone else to realizes the importance of sitting while singing, knows what you’re going through, and is there is catch you if you fall.  Always important to have a church buddy – kind of like crossing the street when you’re a kid, best not to do it alone.

Anyways, now that I’ve talked you ear off I think I will sign off for the night.  I promise to blog more this week and catch all of you up on what you might have missed in my blogging absence, but to be honest, I think I pretty much covered it – anti-nausea drugs and sleep, pretty much my week.  If I could have anything to eat I would like something to drink.  I’m really thirsty and water still tastes gross. My song of the day is something we sang at church today.  It really meant a lot to me and the words are very powerful.  Hope you like it – Hillsong “From the Inside Out”.  I love the part where it says “Your light will shine when all else fades” because sometimes during my chemo week I feel faded (physically and mentally) but it is awesome to know that even though I’m drained God isn’t and He can still work through us when we are weak.  Our weakness shows His strength.  Sermon over. 

http://grooveshark.com/s/From+The+Inside+Out/2LhU3b?src=5

Hugs!  Night y’all.

Simple Day

6/15/11 – Well, today is Wednesday.  That’s really all I can say.  Nothing interesting happened to today.

I woke up at 8:30 as Todd was getting ready.  Since it felt like Thursday was creeping in on my Wednesday I decided to sleep in more.  It’s always a good idea to delay the nausea and weakness as long as possible.  As long as I’m in bed I’m strong and feel good.  I woke up at 10:30 to let the dogs out and thought I would sleep 30 minutes and let them back in.  I was surprised when I woke up an hour later at 11:30.  Luckily Percy had not escaped the backyard like he has been known to do on occasion.  Never a good sign to have you dog returned to your house from your neighbor. 

My day consisted of me dragging myself out of bed, brushing my teeth and making my hair somewhat acceptable.  When I wake up in the morning my hair sicks out all over.  I tend to look like Albert Einstein in the morning.  I’m not joking.  It sticks straight out and I have that kind of crazy genius look in my eye unfortunately I lack the actual genius aspect.   I then shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed a pop tart and a glass of water on my way to the guest room.  The guest room is chemo headquarters this week.  It works out well because I’m comfortable, can watch TV if I want, and it is also the perfect place to fall asleep if needed.

Today I watched Emma, Pretty Little Liars, and then other random shows while I took a nap.  My foods of the week have become comfort foods for me – pop tarts, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and cereal.  That’s all I really want to eat.  I sound kind of like a 10 year old.  Believe me pizza would be on the list if red sauce did not sound disgusting to me right now.

That really was my day.  Nothing too much to talk about.  A lot of resting, and mentally preparing for tomorrow.  The new nausea med seems to work.  It puts me to sleep and you can’t be sick if you’re asleep, right?  Sleep has become my friend lately.

If I could have anything to eat I would like a smoothie or a Rita’s Italian Ice – darn you cold sensitivity!  My song of the day is Christina Perri “Jar of Hearts”.  I heard this on Pretty Little Liars today and got it stuck in my head.  It also kind of fits my mood for the day – mellow.

http://sheabamberg.blogspot.com/2011/06/6-month-mark-wow.html

Night y’all!

6 Month Mark - wow.

Kristina and I at chemo.

6/14/11 – 6 months ago yesterday I had my colon resection surgery.  I know the 6 month mark was yesterday but I thought today would be better to mention it because today I had chemo.  It means more when you’re going through it. I still can’t believe that 6 months have passed.  Everything seems to have happened so fast.  It is amazing how quickly your life can change.  We have to remember that.  When we are young we think we are invincible.  I don’t consider myself old but I’ve had a harsh smack of reality.  Reality is that life is precious and we need to enjoy every minute.  I’ve learned that.  Learned it a couple times really. 

Looking back on the last 6 months I don’t really see them as bad.  I see them as a learning experience.  A real test of life.  I never want to look back on my time and think of it as a horrible time.  I want to think of it as something that was hard but something that taught me a lot.  6 months – Wow!

Today was treatment 10 out of 12.  Kristina was my chemo companion of the day.  She made chemo fun.  We pretty much talked the whole time.  Toward the end of chemo I started to feel nauseous, which isn’t supposed to happen during chemo.  I mentioned it to Sandy, my chemo nurse, and got some extra meds through my IV.  IV drugs are so much better than anything I take by mouth.

Speaking of nausea, I asked my oncologist if there was a stronger nausea drug than my Ativan.  She prescribed me Phenergan.  I’m giving it a try to see if it makes a change.  It’s supposed to make me sleepy but that’s nothing different than a regular chemo week.  I tend to sleep a lot.  Stay tuned for results.

About an hour after I got home my side effects started to kick in.  Generally I don’t get really sick on Tuesdays but today feels a little like a Thursday.  Side effects are supposed to get harder, just gotta remember I only have 2 more treatments left.  Yay!

Now I have to share something interesting.  As I drive home each day I pass this cute “store”.  Each month they change their decorations outside.  In May there was a May Pole.  Now in June there is a statue of a kid playing with a pool umbrella over it.  Each time I drove by I would think “Ooo, I need to check out that store.”  I could never quite see the sign of the store to try to determine what they sold.  The other day I was driving slower (believe it or not) and actually was able to read the chalk board sign outside. 

Are you ready for this?  The place that decorates outdoors monthly and has a chalk board sign is a lawyer’s office!  A lawyer’s office.  It makes me want to need a lawyer for something so I can check out the cool décor.  Though it might be cool to check out the office I also have to question the type of lawyer that has chalk board signage and decorates outside monthly.  Why kind of lawyers are these? What kind of clients do they serve?  Clown lawyers maybe?  Their office does look like fun.  Maybe I should consult them for my verbal contract with Todd to watch Glee in the Man Cave?

If I could have anything to eat I would like… mmm…..nothing.  Food sounds gross right now.  My song of the day is Third Eye Blind “Semi-Charmed Life”.

http://grooveshark.com/s/Third+Eye+Blind+Semi+charmed+Life+1997+/30KgZX?src=5

Night y’all!

Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head!

Me walking in the rain!

6/13/11 – Hello all.  I know I’ve been very sporadic with my blogging lately but I have been very busy.  This last weekend I went out of town for Ashley’s bachelorette party.

What happened at the bachelorette party is confidential.  What happens in Heighburger stays in Heighburger.  All I can say is that we were supposed to do a painting at Sips N Strokes but the power went out and things went downhill from there (I guess some people might say uphill, it’s all relative).  All in all I had a great time.

This weekend seemed entirely too fast and I am completely worn out.  Todd and I met Ashley in Jason half way and I went home with Ashley and Jason went home with Todd.  Bachelor and Bachelorette parties were on!  We met in Talladega at a Mexican restaurant attached to a motel.  Yup.  A restaurant attached to a motel.  Very sketchy.  There wasn’t much variety on the exit so we decided to chance the restaurant. 

We all ordered.  The restaurant seemed nice and the service was very good.  As we were sitting around talking and scarfing down as many tortilla chips and my mouth could hold, we all felt a nice spray of something wet come over the booth.  We looked around and discovered that we had been sprayed by another customer shaking his Corona.  Did the dude say “Oh, I’m sorry”?  No.  No, he did not.  His wife instead stared at us like we were the ones who just sprayed them.  Now, I have a tendency to let my mouth write checks that Todd fist may have to cash – he has yet to have to back up my smack talking.  Anyway, I managed to say something a little louder than regular conversation about something being rude.  Because, hey, dude was rude!   We received our food and had a lovely dinner.  As Ashley and I left the table to head home we both stared down the mean wife.  I gave my best “I think you’re rude and could totally kick your butt any given Sunday” stare.  Note: If you go to a Mexican restaurant in Talladega and see a lady with a stanky eye face give her the meanest look you can.  I’ve ruled her a bad person and she deserves to be given the “mean face”.

I have started walking in an effort to keep my weight under control.  Eating during chemo week is just hard.  I only feel like eating certain things because the nausea is so bad, so dieting is pretty much out of the question.  I’ve done pretty well being diligent walking each day.  I walked Friday before heading out of town, but I wanted to make sure I kept up the practice Saturday. 

I told Mr. Berle that I wanted to walk.  He planned to go with me.  Saturday morning turned out to be very busy.  Each time I thought I had time to walk I remembered another thing I needed to do for the party that night.  I finally finished everything around 2:30.  Plenty of time to walk 2 miles.  I told Mr. Berle I was ready to walk and he said “it’s about to rain”.  I said “oh, I guess we shouldn’t go”, but Mr. Berle insisted that it didn’t matter to him.  Since rain is so sporadic in the summer I figured it just looked like rain but probably wouldn’t do too much. 

I changed into my walking clothes and headed outside.  As we walked down the driveway it started to sprinkle.  The rain felt good because it cooled down the hot summer day.  The further we walked the harder it rained.  Nothing too bad, no reason to turn around.  I made the comment that it was good that I was wearing black since we were getting rained on.  Mr. Berle quickly replied “yeah, it’s a good thing I have on black too.”  I snapped back a reply – “no one cares that YOU have on black!”  Really, Mr. Berle, really?

We kept walking and it kept sprinkling.  We headed up a hill and the rain started to get harder.  It was beautiful looking over the fields seeing the rain fall while you felt it hit your skin.  I used to love playing in the rain as a child.  The fact that I was walking in the rain made me feel nostalgic and realize that sometimes you have a perfect moment in life – something that is special that you know you’ll never forget.  Walking in the rain, laughing, enjoying the feel of the rain on my skin, the smell of the rain as it hit the pavement and grass, along with the beauty of the fields will always be something I keep with me – perfect moment.  Kinda like that song I love – “Blink” by Revive – where it says “Teach me to number my days, count every moment before it slips away…”

After making it up the hill the rain started to get heavier but we pushed on.  We headed up and down one more hill.  At the bottom of the second hill I decided that we should probably turn around.  As we turned around I realized that we would now be walking into the rain.  The rain did not slack up and we pushed through.  It wasn’t horribly heavy, not too much to walk in, but not a sprinkle.  It was fun walking home.  I got completely drenched!  It was great.  We made it home and I poked my head into the room Mrs. Janet was sewing in and she and Aunt Jane burst out laughing.  I looked like a drowned rat.  But, a happy drowned rat.

Sunday we swapped Jason and myself again.  I have been really worn out because the weekend seemed so fast and there wasn’t much time to relax.  I am glad that I had such a good time.  It always helps to go into chemo week knowing that you’ve had a great “up” week.  I’m not looking forward to tomorrow.  I know I only have 3 left but I know they will not be easy.  Chemo has become much harder.  I guess that is why I have mixed feelings about only having 3 left.  Yes, I only have 3, but I still have 3 – see what I’m sayin’?  Eeehh (shrug) Power through – I’ve got this!

If I could have anything to eat I would like some strawberries and a large glass of water – I’m thirsty.  My song of the day is Need to Breathe’s “Washed by the Water”.  Perfect song.

http://grooveshark.com/s/Washed+By+The+Water/oNDme?src=5

Night y’all.  Stay real.

Turn my cupcake makin' on!

If you count it won't equal 70 cupcakes - let's say the difference "fell" off the counter!

6/9/11 – Raise your hand if you were an unsafe driver today.  Yep, my hand is in the air.  Just because it is called “fast food” does not mean that it is portable food.  I’m using the term “portable” loosely.  Portable meaning how easily the food is able to move from bag to mouth.  After I left work today I decided that I couldn’t wait until I got home to eat.  I was hungry.  I ran by Chick-fil-A and picked up a cool wrap.  Of course the cool wrap comes with ranch dressing to dip the wrap in.  I unwrapped my cool wrap and squirted some ranch into the plastic container that the wrap came in.  That’s right, you read correctly.  I fully intended and actually did drive and dip my cool wrap into ranch dressing, not to mention the fact that cool wraps sound like a contained food but they aren’t.  The cool wraps are so packed they burst out of the wraps half way through eating.

So there I was driving up 85N eating my delicious cool wrap and dipping it into my side of ranch.  What was I thinking?  I like to pride myself on my safe-ish driving.  Yes, I do drive fast but I break early and I try to leave a good amount of space between myself and other drivers at stop lights – actual road driving doesn’t count.  85N cars speeding by and I dip, watch the road, and then bite.  I thought I did ok, but half way through my wrap, after my hunger finally started to die down, I realized that this probably wasn’t my brightest idea.  * No drivers were harmed during the consumption of my Chick-fil-A cool wrap. *

I’ve been very busy these last two days working and preparing for this weekend – bachelorette party.  I visited my friend (super Sherry) who was in the hospital.  Fortunately I arrived as the doctor was telling her she was cleared to go home later in the day.  Yesterday I picked up our new furniture.  I was cleared by Todd to leave with all the furniture set up in his hands and go to Yogli Mogli to have some girl time with one of my other friends who is another fellow cancer fighter.  As I left Yogli Mogli I received a text from Todd that simply said “not in a good mood”.  That is never anything that anyone wants to go home to, an upset spouse.  I called to see if I could do any damage control.  Todd was just upset because our new coffee table and one of the side tables was defective and the customer service lady told him that it was probably distressing that was supposed to be there – I can tell you this is not furniture that has “distressing” of any kind.  What a retard.  Todd was more worried that I would be upset.  Yes, I wanted the furniture together, but I can wait. 

Tonight has been cupcake wars at the Bamberg house.  I am charged with making the groom’s cake for Ashley and Jason’s wedding and Todd has a bake sale at work tomorrow.  I took a cake decorating class a few years back with Tara and Sara so I have all the tools to make a cake.  Whether I have the guts to make a grooms cake is yet to be determined.  Think about it – there’s going to be a wedding cake.  A wedding cake is made by a professional - someone that all he or she does is make cakes.  My cake is going to be in the same room as the wedding cake, that’s pressure.  My cake needs to at least be a B- to the wedding cake’s A+.  The one weapon I have in my arsenal is that the groom’s cake is going to be chocolate and everyone loves chocolate and my cupcakes are the epitome of the term “I wanna get chocolate wasted!”  So, the groom’s cake is not going to be made by an actual professional but instead will be made by an accountant that took a class at Hobby Lobby; but, hey, accountants are professionals too.

The cupcakes were to test whether the cake I’m going to make for the groom’s cake is actually a good cake or not.  I figured all else fails Betty Crocker makes a great devils food.  Todd was my “cupcake slave” – basically he did everything I told him to (I love when that happens).  Together Todd and I baked 70 cupcakes.  70!  Todd has a bake sale tomorrow so I doubled the recipe.  For the first time I realized what people at DC Cupcakes must feel like.  Stressed.  I’m not sure if my cupcakes are of the same caliber as theirs but I could definitely give the local cupcake store a run for their money.  I’m currently considering names for my cupcake boutique.  I’ve ruled out Cancer Cakes because that’s simply awkward.  I do like Sugar Hill Cupcakes (slightly boring).  Then there’s Sugar Shea (but I’m afraid that sounds like a stripper name).  I think Sugar Hill Cupcakes might be the best bet.

The cupcakes are delicious.  I just hope Jason likes them, otherwise I’m looking for a different recipe.  Since I made 70 cupcakes I needed a carrier.  I borrowed Kristina’s cupcake pans and carrier (holds 24 cupcakes).  I still needed more.  I sent Todd to Super Kroger hoping they would have a carrier.  Nope.  He then went to Wal-Mart to look for a carrier and found one that holds 12.  He drove all over looking for a cupcake holder and I was at home icing 70 cupcakes.  I think I have carpal tunnel from all the icing.  I am so tired and glad that the cupcake making is over.  Tired.

Random comment.  I generally shower in the guest bathroom.  No real reason other than it’s easier to shave your legs in there.  Anyway….  I showered in mine and Todd’s bathroom today and only had his body gel to shower with.  Todd has Old Spice Swagger.  Yep.  I smelled like a man, but I smelled like a good smelling man.  I stepped out of the shower singing “hopped out of bed, turn my swag on, took a look in the mirror said what’s up?” (Don’t judge me.)  So my song of the day is Soulja Boy’s “Turn My Swag On”.  If I could have anything to eat I would like…. chips….?  I’m not really hungry, the cupcakes wore me out.

http://grooveshark.com/s/Turn+My+Swag+On/1LUwHA?src=5

Night y’all!

I would like my happy bubble, please.

6/7/11 – Why, yes, I am standing on my soap box again.  I can’t help it.  It’s pretty and smells nice.  I have probably bored all of you to death talking about how tanning beds are bad news, but it is really something that is sensitive for me.  I’m going through chemo.  I know what chemo feels like.  I don’t want anyone to ever have to willingly experience that.  Todd shared this YouTube link with me last night.  It really says a lot.  It’s only 5 minutes, give it a shot, at the least you can watch it and decide that you don’t agree.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4jgUcxMezM

I left off my blog with all that I did Saturday.  To be honest I haven’t done too much in between.  Sunday, Todd and I went and purchased the furniture that I picked out Saturday.  We made a run to IKEA for the awesome “IKEA chairs”.  Todd purchased one little “U” shaped chair at IKEA that he has termed his “pimp chair”.  I’m not sure why he calls it that, it is obvious that he or no one he knows is actually a pimp. 

Monday was just a usual after chemo Monday.  Tiring.  I’m always very tired after the chemo week.  It eventually tapers off as the week goes on.  I’m feeling slightly better.

As I’m typing this Todd and I are sitting in the Man Cave.  Todd’s Man Cave is basically a large TV and speakers.  Speakers are everywhere.  What is it with guys and speaker systems?  I don’t get it.  Todd started watching basketball and I made him change because all the tennis shoe squeeking and whistles were blaring out of the speaker to my left.  Can’t handle it.  He then chose women’s softball and all the cheering fans were in my ear.  I cannot watch sports while typing my blog.  All the screaming fans are annoying.  Todd thought this was humorous.  He then started playing PlayStation and I then had gun fire and bombs exploding in my ear – FYI gun fire and bombs are loud, louder than screaming fans and squeaky tennis shoes.  I can’t escape it!  It only gets louder.  If this blog stinks I blame the speakers.  Hopefully it gives you a little chuckle. 

On to today.  Today started out a little wobbly.  My legs have become weak through all the chemo sessions.  As I rolled out of bed this morning I had to steady myself on the bedpost but quickly regained balance.  (Remember chemo brain – real thing people – affects your motor skills.) After I showered and put on some makeup I started to feel better.  I headed off to work.  I was excited to see everyone and feel normal for a few hours.  I became increasingly tired as the day wore on and headed home to work around 2:00.  This is where my day goes downhill.  After leaving work I found out that someone I knew and see on an almost daily basis had passed away suddenly.  I made it home and tried to process just what that meant.  It brought up a lot of emotions.  I go through a rollercoaster of emotions during chemo week and after and the passing of someone I knew brought all of those to the surface along with memories of my friend and fellow cancer fighter who passed away earlier this year.  These last two years haven’t been easy.  I’m ready for easy.  A few hours later I learned that one of my close friends who is another cancer fighter had gone back into the hospital.  I’m not going to lie to you and pretend to be tough.  I hide a lot.  I don’t like to feel vulnerable and never want people to feel sorry for me – I don’t feel sorry for myself – but this, this is hard. 

This is a lot.  I feel heavy – not fat heavy, but weighted down.  I know all of this is not my burden to carry but it’s hard not to want to pick up the tough stuff and hang on to it for some reason.  Maybe that’s just something we do as human beings?  Hang on to hard stuff and neglect to appreciate the good?  I wrote on my facebook page that I wanted to crawl back into my bubble which is fuzzy and comfortable.  That is what I would like to do – escape.  But, I have to remember the good.  I have to remember that I am a cancer survivor, I have wonderful family and friends, my flowers are blooming in front of my house, I just got new carpet, I am financially stable, I have a car that works, a roof over my head, and joy in my heart.  There is a saying – “God is good.” – and the response is – “All the time”.  If I give into the weight of the world then I am denying that truth.  Yes, things are hard and do not make sense, but God is still good – we are not promised happiness, but we are promised joy.  I’m reaching for my joy because that’s all I’ve got to cling to some days.

I know this blog hasn’t been snarky or all that funny, but I needed to get all of this out.  Thanks for putting up with me and taking the time to read.  If I could have anything to eat I would like a homemade piece of cheesecake or a watermelon – I can’t decide.  My song of the day is rather cliché, but it’s “Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

http://grooveshark.com/s/Jesus+Take+The+Wheel/hPJwc?src=5

Tomorrow is another day.  Focus on the good stuff.  Night y’all!