Preparation H - it's not just for your butt!

Preparation H is not just for hemorrhoids and those bags under your eyes anymore!

If you remember my new chemo antibody causes either a facial rash or acne.  Well, I am the happy recipient of a lovely facial rash.  I’m actually not complaining because I would take a rash any day over acne!  I take an oral antibiotic and then have a topical antibiotic that I take each day to cut down on my skin reaction. 

The first time the rash showed up I wasn’t prepared for what all it would entail.  I’ve always understood that rashes tend to go hand in hand with itching.  But….I did not have any clue that a rash on my face could itch so bad! 

My rash usually shows up about 5 days after I get my infusion regardless of the use of my antibiotics.  The rash isn’t horrible.  I just get little red dots that pop up in one day and are gone the next.  Though the rash isn’t bad the itching is insane!  I still remember the first time my rash showed up.  I was checking it out in the mirror thinking “Not too bad.  I can deal with this.”  As the day wore on I noticed I would randomly scratch my face.  It was just a little scratch here and another scratch there.  By the end of the day I promise you I could have sat in front of a mirror and scratched my face for hours!  It itched SO bad!!!

I searched through my drawer of medicine but couldn’t find any hydrocortisone cream – I thought I had some, but it must have been hiding.  I decided to try a face mask to calm my skin down.  It worked and I was able to sleep through the night.

The following morning I woke up and immediately started scratching.   Something had to be done before I scratched my face off my head!  I can take pain, I can handle surgery and other weird things, but simple little things like a rash that itches will make me go insane.  I stared at my red scratched up face and frantic eyes in the mirror and gave myself a pep talk – “Get it together girl!  Think!  What do I have in the house that will help with this crazy itching?”  All of a sudden it hit me!  Preparation H!  I had some Preparation H that had hydrocortisone in it – score! 

I quickly shuffled through my medicine drawer once again and pulled out the glorious tube of Preparation H!  I swear I heard a chorus of angels making that “waaahhhh…..” sound as I lifted the tube out of the drawer.   I took a look in the mirror at myself and thought, “Are you really going to do this?!  Are you really about to slather Preparation H all over your face?!”  I stared right back into my own eyes in the mirror as I fought off another itching fit and said “Hell yes!”

I didn’t just put Preparation H on the rash areas, I smeared that stuff all over my face.  Now, I’m not sure if you’ve ever used Preparation H before you know it has a distinct smell.  Great…..I smelled like butt cream, just what every woman wants.  I quickly covered the butt cream smell with my usual moisturizer.  As my itching subsided and I started to put on my makeup I started thinking – Women sometimes use hemorrhoid cream for bags under their eyes.  If that works then what will having that type of cream all over my face do?  Would it make me look 10 years younger…?

I did my makeup, threw on a cute dress and headed off to chemo with a funny story to share with all my nurses and doctors.  Everyone thought my story was hilarious (even my doctor cracked a smile – though he also explained how Preparation H would work well in an itchy situation).  The funniest part of the day happened towards the end of my infusion.  I was just sitting around fighting sleep and another lady who was getting some iron leaned over and asked what I used on my face because my skin looked “radiant”! Hahaha!!!  All I could do was laugh - the Preparation H did make me look 10 years younger and give me a youthful glow!

I now have some actual hydrocortisone cream that I use, but I do look at the tube of Preparation H with new respect now.

The Hair is History!

Me and Ellis! 2 baldies!

That’s right!  The hair is history!

 I fought it all through my first round of treatment, but as soon as I received my PET/CT results I knew the hair had to go.  Since I would be doing more chemotherapy I knew that my hair would continue to fall out and there wasn’t much left.

I had been waging war against my hair since October.  I would look around the house and see a Shea hair tumble weed roll by. (insert Western sound clip – WOWM WOWM Wowmmmm….) If you have a cat you know how their hair will form little hair balls and roll around your floor looking for the hardest corner to clean to wedge itself, well that is what my Shea hair tumble weeds did!  Not only did they invade ever corner of my house and shower crevice but they also launched a full out attack on me during the night.  I would wake up in the middle of the night with hair on my face, crawling into my eye, or stuck to my lip! Ellis would wake up in his crib with Shea hair in his hand.  Todd would slip on it in the bathroom.  Hair was everywhere!

I was losing the hair war.  In order to win, I had to take charge and fast!  I did what any sensible girl would do – I bought a wig and scheduled and an appointment with my hair stylist.  Hair was NOT going to take over my house and my life anymore.

I had gotten to the point where I didn’t feel cute.  I wore hats and tried to coordinate my outfits but at the end of the night I would take off my hat or my scarf and see the stringy mess that my hair had become.  Todd would joke around and call me Smegal while whispering “my precious…..” as he got into bed each night.  Hair was once something that added to my style but it had become something that made me feel down.  When Carie shaved my head I felt a huge weight lifted.  Simply by being free of those last stringy strands helped to boost my confidence.  Those strands weren’t going to attack me in the middle of the night or terrorize my family anymore because I got to them first!



Front of my hair pre-shaving. (Eeew!)

Back of my hair pre-shaving (GROSS!)

After shaving my head!

Being bald is awesome!  I’m not just saying that because I have no other option.  It really is very liberating.  I always thought that guys shaved their heads in the summer as a cop out.  Just another way to simplify their daily routine and be a little cooler in the heat.  NO!  I gotta give it to the guys.  They knew something that us girls never even imagined.  Being bald feels great!  I don’t have anything hanging down bugging me.  I don’t get mad at my hair and have to pull it into a ponytail.  It doesn’t look different from one day to the next.  And, it doesn’t take forever to dry.  Being bald is the universe’s secret to perfect hair and guys (GUYS!) had it the whole time!

One of my wigs!

Me at chemo bald! SO comfy!

So, now I wear my wigs when I go out (mostly because it’s cool outside) and hang out bald at home.  There are times when I go out in public bald but I’ll probably save most of that for when it is warmer.  I find that makeup is so much more fun when you’re bald because it stands out so much more.  I enjoy adding hair accessories to my wigs and glue on my eyelashes.  I need some like Nicki Minaj!  I’ve always had an addiction to eyelashes so picking them out in a store is SO SO SO much fun! 

You know, reading what I’ve written and thinking about the fact that I wear a wig and glue on fake eyelashes makes me realize that I have similar accessories to a stripper….. hunh.  Well, I think in this situation it is good to remind myself that yes, I do wear a wig and yes, I do put on a lot of makeup and glue on fake eyelashes but all the things I’m doing are putting things ON which is the most important difference between me and looking like a stripper.  Whew! Glad we talked that through.

My fake lashes!

Being bald rocks! 

New Path, New Pimples?!

Hey hey!  Time flies when you don’t always feel fabulous.  I’m now doing chemo every week which makes blogging time very short. 

My tumor is KRAS wild type – I know!  WILD TYPE!  Of course I’m “wild type”.  I wouldn’t settle for anything short of spectacular.  Basically they type your tumors in order to know what type of chemo you can take (there’s a lot more that goes into that but that’s all doctor stuff).  Since I’m KRAS wild type I have multiple options when it comes to chemo drugs.  When I first started my treatment I chose between 2 types of antibodies – either Avastin or Erbitux. 

Avastin is an antibody that attacks tumor cells and prevents them from forming new blood vessels.  Erbitux finds a certain growth protein that allows cells to grow.  Once Erbitux finds these cells it interfers with its ability to stimulate growth (such as growth of additional tumor cells).  If you’d like to learn a little bit more about these drugs check out this link http://www.webmd.com/colorectal-cancer/guide/new-drugs-avastin-erbitux.

As I mentioned before, when I started my treatment I had the option to choose between Avastin and Erbitux.  I was told that one would give you skin rashes or acne and another would not.  Well, thank you doctor for NOT making that a hard decision for me!  I am a vain person and I will take the one that will not make me look like an awkward 15 year old, thank you very much!  Avastin it was.  However, now that I’ve done my treatment and had my scan and basically things are still the same…..yeah…………(sigh).  Since I’m KRAS wild type and get the option to use either I now get to try the Erbitux.

Can I just say that I am NOT NOT NOT looking forward to taking this new drug.  I’ve lost my hair – ok.  I’ve lost my eyelashes and my eyebrows are hanging on by a thread – ok.  But my complexion!  Come on!!!  (Sigh) 

I’m pretty sure that God is out to get me.  I feel like I’ve been taught patience and letting go of my control through this whole process.  Now He’s teaching me about vanity.  I’m a girl.  I’m supposed to be vain.  To be honest there are days where I feel like this is all too much.  I can handle the cancer.  I can handle the chemo, getting sick, and possible long surgery but a rash or acne all over my face?  For some reason that is the one thing that I really have a problem coming to terms with.  (Like I said vanity)

My oncologist started me on this gel I put on my face twice a day and an antibiotic (I’m not sure how that works) but both are supposed to help me manage the breakouts which are the side effects of the Erbitux.  I start this new drug tomorrow.  I’m not excited about it but I do hope it works.  I’ve read that some people believe the breakouts mean that the drug is doing its job.  It’s all about perspective.