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| My trucker look. |
4/6/11 – Hey! Today has been a usual chemo day. I slept in, had a good breakfast, relaxed, and then got to work. I couldn’t continue to concentrate at 3:30 so I called it a day. There comes a point in the day where I am staring at my computer reading my emails trying to process what I’m reading and fighting off sleep. That is when I know I need to stop. My body is telling me that it is mentally worn out.
After work I decided to have some “chair time” reading and sitting in my Adirondack chair. My hair was a mess so I picked out my “Fight Like a Diva” trucker hat. I decided to go with the whole trucker theme. I had on my trucker hat, found a pair of trucker shades, and then grabbed a bottle of blueberry beer I had set out to warm up to tolerable drinking temperatures. I was set to look like a real trucker, all I needed was to practice my spitting and I would be set! I had some good chair time reading my book. I talked to Kristina some and mostly relaxed and read. The sun felt good. I’ve been very cold today.
Some of my coworkers gave me a pair of socks that you can put in the microwave. Today my toes were very cold and started doing the neuropathy thing (where they tingle when I get cold). I couldn’t handle it so I pulled out the socks. I popped them in the microwave for a minute and I was set. I’m going to have to use those socks more often. It’s just weird that you can put them in the microwave. I keep waiting for them to burst into flames.
Yesterday I read an article about chemo brain. For some reason I have started receiving Cure magazine. I’m not sure how it started but I was drawn in by the article. Apparently chemo brain is a real thing though it started out as more of a saying when someone going through chemo was having a hard time remembering things. People didn’t understand that it was a real problem and would just joke “Oh, you have chemo brain! Haha.” What the article said was that over time oncologists have learned that chemo brain is a real thing and is not something that people just joke about. Apparently there are 2 types of chemo brain. The first type has to do with remembering things, like words and short term memory loss. There was a lady in the article who said that she was trying to say the word “tree” and she could see a tree in her mind but she could not think of the word. This type of chemo brain causes people to have problems with reading and math (hello! I’m an accountant). The other type of chemo brain affects your motor skills. That is totally me. Remember when I told all of you how my right hand wouldn’t type text properly? I thought it was really weird (and kind of scared me) the first time it happened. I know my brain is telling my hand what to do but my hand just wouldn’t do it. I have also nearly fallen 2 times which is why I have switched to all flats and wedges during my treatment.
If you still do not buy into the hype of chemo brain being a real thing, listen to this heartbreaking and slightly funny story. Sunday Todd and I were working in the yard. It has started to get pretty outside so we planted a few flowers, cleaned up the dead limbs, and spruced up our flower beds with some pine straw. I worked for a while and then got tired and decided I needed some well earned chair time. I was sitting in my chair happy as can be. Todd walked up, handed me his wedding ring, and said “can you hold this so I don’t lose it”. Sure. I put it on my index finger because I couldn’t get it slide over my thumb and I couldn’t muster enough energy to force it. No biggie. I sat in the chair and then decided since Todd was being so productive I could do a little too. I watered my flowers, planted and few more, and helped prune our butterfly bush in the backyard. At 3:00 I went inside to clean up and shower. The next morning I woke up to Todd asking if I knew where his wedding ring was. Think, think, think. No. I had/have zero clue what I did with that ring. I don’t remember the last time it was on my finger. I don’t remember it falling off. I don’t remember taking it off. I have zero, nada, zilch, zippo clue as to what happened to his ring. Todd asked me all these questions and I honestly don’t remember. It’s like the ring on my finger never existed so how could I remember what I did with it. Complete utter black hole. Chemo brain! Todd’s ring is a victim of chemo brain and now Todd is just another statistic of a married man who does not wear a wedding ring. Lucky me.
If you’d like to check out the article on chemo brain in Cure magazine I am attaching the link below. Be warned if you are one of my close friends or family members I am going to force you to read this article just to prove that I’m not completely losing it. http://www.curetoday.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/article.show/id/2/article_id/1642
So far my chemo brain hasn’t affected my work. I can tell that I’m not mentally up for hard questions where I have to think a lot but so far I haven’t had any problems with math or remembering words more than my usual forgetfulness. (However I did think I had a counseling appointment on Monday and drove all the way over there to find out it was next Monday. I even have it written in my planner as next Monday – eeek! Chemo brain!) Luckily calculators and excel are an accountants best friends. They do my real thinking for me. The whole typing thing is very weird, but it usually doesn’t last for long periods of time and goes away before my “up” week when I’m working full time. The losing Todd’s wedding ring does bother me. I wonder if one day I will have an “ah ha” moment and suddenly remember what happened to it? Until then….
To be honest I’m not hungry but I know I need to eat. I would really like a smoothie like always. Smoothies are good when you’re feeling a little puney. I don’t think my oncologist was correct about the nausea getting better. Maybe that one just doesn’t apply to me? Oh well. I’m going to settle for carbs that are easy on my stomach (TMI, sorry). My song of the day is “Bent” by Matchbox 20. The beginning of the song starts out “If I fall along the way pick me up and dust me off”. Considering my lack of gracefulness I thought this was an appropriate song.
Night y’all!
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