7/27/11 – Well, I survived. Over the past two days I have had 3 doctors’ appointments. (1) dermatologist, (2) oncologist, (3) GI doctor.
Yesterday I headed to the dermatologist. I was scared to death. I had two spots that needed to be removed, nothing serious. One was on my neck and the other on my leg. I have never had anything removed before and was scared of how it all worked. I wasn’t scared about it being anything bad. I was scared about the removal part.
How did the removal work? Wouldn’t it hurt? She was gonna be coming right at my neck. I could hear the Eeeh! Eeeh! Eeeh!, knife coming down on you scary movie noise. I just knew I was going to be wiggling like a five year old trying to get out of spanking. It wasn’t going to be pretty. Yes, I know I’ve had surgery and gone through chemo, but that does not mean that all of a sudden I’m ok with medical procedures. I am still highly nervous and squeamish.
So, how did it go? Like a dream. I did tell the dermatologist that I was nervous and she said that it was nothing – see the problem is there. Her telling me that it’s nothing. I learned my lesson. If a doctor tells you that it’s nothing or that it will only pinch, it generally isn’t true. Case in point, my staple removal after the surgery. I have a healthy distrust of pain levels that doctors communicate. Unless they have had it done to themselves I don’t believe them. Can I just say that my dermatologist renewed my belief in doctors. She was right. It didn’t hurt at all. I was a little disappointed. There I was planning to make a huge show, scream, and wiggle around a bit and none of that was needed. All my plans out the window.
After the dermatologist I headed to my oncologist. I wasn’t really sure why I was having an appointment since I was finished with chemo. I did think it would be nice to see my doctor and the nurses without knowing that I was going to have to have chemo. It felt weird.
I find that going from having chemo to not having chemo is hard. It’s just over. Yes, I should be happy but part of me has a problem with it being over. I had cancer, aren’t I supposed to keep treating the problem so it doesn’t come back? Aren’t I supposed to see my doctor every two weeks to just make sure that I’m ok? Just stopping is hard. Once you stop having chemo it opens your mind to really think about what you’ve gone through. You have time to actually process what you’ve just gone through. You realize the gravity of it all. And then you’re just done? That’s it? Are you sure? I’m fairly certain that I need to keep going. I think the doctors must be mistaken (since I obviously know more than a professional).
My appointment went smoothly. I had several questions, especially since my fingers are still numb. Apparently the numbness should start to go away slowly over the next month or two. The appointment was just to check my blood and make sure I was ok after chemo. My white blood cells and platelets were a little low but overall I was good. Not a bad checkup. I don’t go back to see the oncologist for 3 months.
Today I went to see my GI doctor. I don’t know if you’re supposed to be excited to see a doctor but I was really looking forward to the appointment. My GI doctor was the one who ordered the CT Scan and found my tumor. She’s the one who told me my results and recommended my surgeon. I think about her and my surgeon a lot. They are the ones who solved my problem and through their diligence saved me. Who knows what would have happened to me without the two of them.
I get to celebrate chemo being over with a colonoscopy. Glamorous, right? I have never had a colonoscopy before and had a lot of questions. They actually gave me a “Colonoscopy for Dummies” book! I haven’t started reading it yet, but the fact that there was an actual “Colonoscopy for Dummies” book made me laugh.
The colonoscopy makes me nervous. My tumor started as a pollup, so what if they found more? I know they would remove them and there wouldn’t be any problem but there is some anxiety there. I also have to go through the whole prep thing and people always seem to say that the prep is the worst part. What people forget is that I have done, and done, and done the prep before my surgery. I’m a pro at the prep. I am also a little nervous there because the last time I drank the magnesium citrate I wound up in the ER and the last time I did the whole prep part I became sick – I just have bad memories that’s all. I’m sure I’ll be fine.
Today has been a great day. I’m glad all the doctor visits are over. If I could have anything to eat I would like a good deli sandwich. My song of the day is “Pray you Through” by Sixteen Cities. I love this song.
Night y’all!
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