1/28/11 – I swear I have more super powers since starting chemo. Yes, I still have my original super power (extraordinarily cold feet) but I also have a bionic nose. I’m not sure exactly when it started but my sniffer is on over drive. I can smell pretty much anything no matter where I am in the house. What is odd is that the things I smell don’t smell how I know they should. You may remember that I was complaining about some weird saline smell around our kitchen. I finally figured out that the smell was coming from some oranges. Oranges are not supposed to smell like saline. Everything seems to take on more of a chemical smell to me right now. Very odd. I’m going to have to find a way to use this super power for good. Suggestions are welcome. My taste is also off. I was drinking water this morning and I promise you my regular water tasted like Florida water to me, and I know I’m not at the beach.
This chemo stuff is discouraging. Those of you who read the blog regularly know that on the whole I feel good. I feel like me. Well, imagine you felt just like your regular self but then you started to feel weak, food tasted bad, smelled weird, your throat hurt, and you were hungry but you didn’t want to swallow anything. It just doesn’t make sense. How does someone go from being “perfectly healthy” to having cancer? How do you go from knowing you have cancer and feeling good to feeling puny? I don’t like to not feel in control and the one thing that I don’t seem to have right now is that very thing – control. Hello! I would like some control back please.
I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer but I want people to realize that this isn’t easy. I don’t think I realized how hard this was until yesterday. We hear of people having chemo on a somewhat regular basis but until you’ve experienced it you have no clue. I don’t say that to be mean but can you honestly imagine waking up feeling the way I mentioned earlier or going to sleep with your throat hurting and neck and shoulders being sore to the touch? It’s no joke. I now have a new respect for all the ones who have gone before me. This isn’t easy. Yes, I am a diva and I will always remain one but even a diva has to be real from time to time.
The mouthwash was just as horrible as I predicted. It is a mouthwash that is supposed to help with mouth sores. During chemo your mouth gets very dry so you are at risk of developing mouth sores that can go all the way down your throat. As soon as I started to feel one I got a prescription for the mouthwash. Pretty funny getting a prescription for mouthwash. The bottle looked really creepy and the stuff was really thick. You swish and swallow the mouthwash. I don’t know what held back my gag reflex but I was able to drink a little of the stuff. It tasted horrible but it worked. It made my whole mouth and throat numb. Very weird. I’m crossing my fingers I won’t need to use it anymore – crossing my fingers, but not holding my breath.
I think I need to get out more because nothing funny is really happening around here. The last few days I have worked, slept, and watched a little TV. Not even anything all that entertaining on TV. Buster and Percy basically take care of themselves with Percy and Stella chasing each other around from time to time. Yep, I definitely need to get out more. It doesn’t seem like Friday.
Oh, I did get a “Diva” sign. It is pretty awesome. It was sent to me by a very special young lady and is hanging on my pantry door by my apron so each day I can remind myself just how much of a diva I am – like I would forget!
Tonight I went to Five Guys – cheeseburgers, I’m tellin’ ya, cheeseburgers. There is something wonderful about a Five Guys little cheeseburger and fries. It hit the spot. I keep seeing commercials for Totino’s pizza rolls. I could totally go for some of those. My song of the day is “Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head”. I hang out around the part where it says “I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’.”
Night y’all!
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