Self Therapy

Just being me, nothing more.

1/4/11 – Hello, hello!  Today has been a good day.

These last several days have been hard for me for a different reason.  No, I’m not sick.  No, I’m not feeling bad.  I’m feeling normal – do you hear me? Normal.  That’s the problem.  I’m finally starting to feel like me so now I get to deal with the fact that I have cancer.  Before that was something I couldn’t even pretend to wrap my mind around because my body did not feel normal.  I never knew that returning to normal could be so hard. 

All of you have been awesome and have given me tons of support, but I’m starting to realize that other people are sick too.  I’m not the only one going through tough times.  When you have had so many people giving you all this attention it is hard to let go.  God has really been working in my life the last several days.  I have been searching for what I am supposed to learn through all of this.  There has to be a reason for everything.  I know this road is not over and that some days will be harder than others I just have to keep perspective through all of this.  I hope I haven’t brought all of you down – that really wasn’t my intention.  This blog is a good outlet for me to share how I’m truly feeling.  I take a lot of encouragement through what I’m going through because I know God is working in my life. 

As I mentioned today was a good day.  I have been so encouraged by so many people.  Everyone has been truly awesome.  I spent the morning hanging out and sharing with a fellow cancer fighter.  She has been the greatest encouragement to me, though we did not know each other before.  Have you ever had someone come into your life that you don’t know but you instantly feel connected?  Weird, right?  She and I shared our stories and talked about things that only people with cancer can understand.  I am not happy that the two of us had to go through this but if we had to go through it in order to share our stories and minister to others in similar situations, then some good can come out of all of this.  For those of you who know someone who has gone through cancer I would encourage you to check in on them.  Yes, the obvious part may be over but you never know what that person goes through, or continues to go through on a daily basis.   Hugs always help.  There are healing powers in a simple hug.

I had a full day of watching The Millionaire Matchmaker.  Thanks to Bravo I am once again prepared to face life and make the perfect match.  I worked on my art project that I have been piddling on since the summer.  I have all the pieces prepped I just need to put it all together.  I’m really excited because I’ve put a lot of time and effort into it.  I also spoke with one of my friends from Alabama that found out he had colon cancer almost a year before me.  I wanted to talk to someone who was around the same age that had a similar situation.  It’s very odd having all my doctors say “how old are you?!”  Since colon cancer is not something that 28 year olds usually have it was really nice to know that I’m not alone.  Yes, I am weird, but I’m not alone.  After that I went on another walk with Yen.  I keep trying to take it a little further each day.  Today we went 1.2 miles. 

I realize that my blog today hasn’t been too funny, but some days we have to be “real”.  I know that all of you read this to get a little humor, but I think you also read it to find out what’s going on with me.  I use the blog as a type of self therapy.  It really helps me to talk and laugh at myself.  Today I just needed to share.  I hope you didn’t mind. 

I am headed to the oncologist tomorrow.  I know it is probably not prudent to be excited about a doctor’s appointment, but I am.  I am ready to know what is ahead of me.  It is scary not knowing.

I really could go for a Coke Icee and some white cheddar popcorn.  My song of the day is Hold Us Together by Matt Maher.  If you haven’t heard this song I highly recommend it.  To borrow a term from one of my favorite kids “it’s so my style”.  Here are song lyrics to take us out for the night.  Night y’all. (love ya Aunt Patsy)

It don’t have a job, don’t pay your bills

Won’t buy you a home in Beverly Hills

Won’t fix your life in five easy steps

Ain’t the law of the land or the government

But it’s all you need

And love will hold us together

Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I’ll be my brother’s keeper

So the whole world will know that we’re not alone