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| Me getting chemo - post anti-anxiety meds |
1/25/11 – Zzzz zzzz……….zzz…zzZz…. Oh, sorry, I am so tired from today.
Today started a lot like Friday almost 2 weeks ago with the huge exception that I got a good night’s sleep. I had packed a bag with Thank You notes, my day planner, Kindle, pens, snacks, laptop, … I was prepared. Todd and I once again piled in the car and headed to chemo. When we got off the exit I noticed I had missed a call – “Oh, no! Please tell me my chemo isn’t cancelled again. Please…” I am happy to report that it was just a friend calling to see when it would be good to bring dinner by the house. I was good to go!
Once I sat down in the waiting area I put on my numbing cream – it is supposed to take 20 – 30 minutes to kick in. Since I had an appointment for 9:00 and was supposed to start chemo at 9:45 I thought that was the perfect time. I put the cream on and thought “I hope this stuff works!” I stepped on the dog scale, had my pulse checked, and blood pressure monitored. I was good to go. I met with my oncologist and he walked me and Todd into the infusion room. Let the scary begin. They walked me to a semi-private area with a really cushy chair. I parked myself down and started working on my doctor question note book – filling in answers. Though I wasn’t scheduled to start chemo until 9:45 the nurse apologized a couple times for making me wait – in my eyes I was early.
Ok, I’m going to take you on a few moments in the mind of Shea – can you handle it? I’m sat in the chair and tried to divert my mind from was about to happen. I’m about to start chemo for the first time! Scary! My nurse came over and explained all my meds to me. She mentioned that the oncologist ordered me some ativan for anxiety. Would I like some ativan? No, no, I’m fine. I’m fine. I have a port – Pixie the Port – that is about to be accessed for the first time. What does that feel like? Will it hurt? Yeah, I do have the numbing cream, but I felt it when the nurse pulled my cover off the port and the steri-strips pulled a little when they came off. That wasn’t bad, but I could definitely “feel” the area. What would it feel like when it was accessed for the first time? Why is the nurse pulling out all these scary things?! I looked over and she has pulled out this thing to access the port along with some sterile sponges, special gloves, and at least 3 syringes. When do I get my anti-anxiety meds?! When? I want them now! Not after. I mention that I don’t think the numbing cream is working. She showed me the little spot where the port connects, it feels ok. She asked me to turn my head – gladly! I heard her say “done”. Done! Done! Oh, great, now, now I get my anti-anxiety meds. Whew! I needed them before.
The chemo was really easy on me. The ativan made me sleepy. I fought sleep. I had too much to do. I tuned my personal flat screen to Bravo and watch the Real Housewives of Orange Country reunion show and worked on things I haven’t had time to do lately. It was nice. I receive my main chemo at the cancer center in the infusion room, then I get a pump of 5FU that goes home with my to continue giving me a different type of chemo for 46 hours. Everything was rosy until the 5FU started. It felt a little weird when I got my initial push through the port and then the humiliation began. The pump which means the fanny pack! Aaaah! Dun, dunt, DUM! The dreaded fanny pack. I put the pump inside and head to the bathroom before Todd and I hit the road. Please. Please, please….. There HAS to be a cute way to wear this. I can’t have to endure this and look bad at the same time. Feeling cute is all I have left. (Vanity, I know) I couldn’t “make it work” – Tim Gunn would not have been proud. I put on my coat and scarf and worked it as best I could. I nearly fell in the parking lot leaving in humiliation. Note to self: chemo does not aid balance.
Target – STAT! I have got to resolve this fashion crisis. A messenger bag! A messenger bag! That is what I need. – Did I mention that I am flat worn out? I’m running on a Chick-fil-A sandwhich (If you’re counting that is my 3rd in less than a week!) and fumes. – When I got to Target Todd found the perfect bag for me immediately. I wanted to get a few other things to make my time with the pump easier. Todd found a shirt and we got Percy a bed of his own. We walked through the snacks and headed to checkout. As I was walking down the already slick isle I nearly fell AGAIN! Again! I should not be walking or doing anything after ativan. At least I hope it was the ativan and not the chemo in general, or else I’m in trouble.
So, now I’m stylin’. I have my messenger bag and when I got home my sister and brother-in-law had sent me a little happy gift – a “Fight like a Girl” blue cozy and a pin button that says “Colon Cancer can be a Real Pain in the BUTT”. I am now set. I drink my room temperature flavored water in my cozy and my button is on my messenger bag. Sweet! Not only am I getting chemo and supporting a cause but I look semi-stylish doing it.
Jamie Knight came over and brought some delicious food. I am glad to still be hungry. I have noticed that I do definitely have the cold sensitivity when I drink. I had some room temperature water and when I drank it, it felt cool going down my throat – really weird. I am tempted to try something actually cold but I’m sure I would hate myself afterward. Jaime brought these mini brownie cookie things. They were fabulous. I really wanted a nice cold glass of milk to go with them. That is the only thing I would want tonight. My song of the day is The Beatles “I’m So Tired” because seriously- I- am- so- tired.
I head back to the doctor on Thursday around 11:30 to have the pump removed and my port de-accessed. So far, I am tired and have the cold sensitivity but I’m feeling good overall. Chemo lasted only about 3 hours, not the 6-7 that I was anticipating – sweet! Not nearly as scary as I thought! Night y’all!
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