I'm radioactive

1/18/11 – Hello all. 

I know all of you have heard me talk about my neighbor/fellow cancer fighter/close friend who is battling cancer.  Some of you may wonder why I keep talking about him since the blog is supposed to be about my day to day.  Well, the answer is simply that.  All of you read because you want to know what is going on in my life.  In my life I have a friend that is in a serious all out, no holds barred fight with cancer.  He is a daily part of my life.  There isn’t a moment where I don’t think about how he’s doing.  I wake up in the morning and feel good – I wonder how he feels.  I take a deep breath all on my own – I wonder how he feels.  I get tired after a long day – I wonder how he feels.  I don’t feel the effects of cancer though I know I have it – I wonder how he feels. 

My day started out with a PET scan.  I had to show up to the hospital at 9:00.  I got checked in and hooked up to an IV.  (I thought the whole point in getting this port was to avoid IV’s in the future?)  Luckily I had a very nice nurse, who I’ve had before, who promised not to bruise me like the last lady.  I am proud to report that I did not pass out! Victory!  I then got to drink some delicious contrast fluid – not.  It was not the chalky kind like with the CT scan so I tolerated it.  I had to drink one cup slowly over an hour.  After an hour they called me back to start the PET scan.  As I was walking to the mobile unit for the PET scan a code is called throughout the hospital.  I hear the room number and know it is for my friend.  Once I get to the mobile unit they inject me with some radioactive stuff that will show up on the scan.  I’m told to lie down and try to relax.  How am I supposed to relax?! I just heard a code called for my friend!  I lie down and start to pray.  I have prayed so much over the past several days I’m basically just talking to God – more like talking “at” God.  (I’m not sure if that is good or not.)  “God I know you’re there with him.  You said that you would take of us because we are more valuable than the sparrows and You take care of them.  God. God. God.”  I’ve come to a point where there just aren’t words.  My nerves are quieted and I am able to relax.  After 30 minutes I get a bathroom break and have to start drinking another cup of contrast.  The lady asked me I was able to relax and I told her that I prayed because that was really all I could do at the time.  I feel ok.  I finish the contrast and we start the scan.  The PET scan machine is like a huge donut.  I went all the way through it one time quickly (2 minutes) and then a second time slowly (18 minutes).  The way I understand it the PET scan along with the contrast and radioactive stuff shows a clear image of your internal organs as well as any tumors that might be present because the tumors would absorb the sugar mixture just like my organs will.  I won’t get my results until I see the new oncologist Thursday.  After the PET scan was over I met my mom and we booked it up to the ICU to check on my friend.  He is still in serious condition.

Mom and I couldn’t stay long.  We picked up some Chick-fil-A to lift our spirits and headed home.  We ate all the fries in the car.  There is just something about hot, salty fries that hits the spot when you’re feeling tired and a little down.  We didn’t get to hang out for too long because I had to leave the house pretty quickly to head to my next appointment.  Mom headed home and I headed to my first counseling visit.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was told that it was important to stay on top of my mental health just as much, if not more, than my physical health.  I originally thought I could do it on my own, but the more I thought about it the smarter it seemed to talk to someone.  Through my insurance I was able to find a Christian counselor who has dealt with people who have medical issues before.  I had no clue what to expect but I was kind of excited to talk to someone.  I thought it would be kind of like “girl talk”.  It really was.  We just talked and it felt good to be able to talk to an uninvolved 3^rd party.  It also meant a lot to me that she wanted to end our time with prayer. 

After the appointment I called Todd and tried to see what our plan was for the night.   I talked to him and decided to head to the hospital to check in on our friend.  As I drove the seat belt start to irritate my port area.  I started to blink a lot.  I was getting sleepy.  I didn’t want to drive to the hospital and then have to drive home.  I didn’t know if I could make it.  I called Todd back and told him how I was feeling.  Against my wishes he convinced me that I needed to go home – sometimes my stubbornness gets in my own way – who’d a thunk it?  I decided to head home.  Since I’ve been home I haven’t done much of anything but try to rest and start writing my blog so I can rest once Todd gets home.

I am tired.  All I really want right now is a glass of water and a pillow to rest my head on.  I wonder if the radioactive stuff is getting to me?  Maybe it will cause me to develop another super power other than really cold feet.  Did y’all know that I already have a super power?  I do.  My super power is really cold feet.  It may sound like a lame super power, but it has more power than you realize.  When I put my really cold feet on Todd he will do pretty much anything to get me to move them.  My song of the day is Need to Breathe “The Outsiders.”  It really fits.  The link should start the song – enjoy.

http://www.needtobreathe.net/music/the-outsiders/

Night y’all!