Details of a Diva

9/13/11 – It is about time.  I am now officially a diva.

You may be wondering how does one become a diva?  Well, this list is not all inclusive but these are a few defining points to becoming a true, all out diva:

1. First and foremost you have to start referring to yourself as a diva before anyone else does.  If someone else calls you a diva before you then you are opening the flood gates to becoming a Mariah type diva which no one wants. You want to be a diva on your own terms.
2. You need something sparkly like a tiara or a microphone.  I have 2 signs that say “diva” and are all blinged out.  I also have a tiara.
3. You have to walk like you own it.  The walk is very important.  It shows that you have confidence and don’t really care what others think.  There are times that I go to the gym and fail to see my friends on the treadmill because I’m too busy workin’ it out.  A little selfishness and self adsorption is needed but remember it is a balance, not a complete take over.
4. You need to have something not because you need it but just for the heck of it.  Like an elephant or an infinity pool in your bathroom.  It’s the whole “she has what?!” factor.  This is a key element to anyone’s diva-ness.

Step 4 was the one point I had been struggling with.  I began calling myself a diva way before my diagnosis and surgery.  I have always had an affinity for all things that sparkle.  Sparkles make me happy.  I’m not sure which side of my family I inherited my strut from but I can’t shake it (or maybe that’s my problem, I can).  I remember being in 6^th grade walking back to class from lunch when another kid said “you walk funny”.  Yep, I had my diva strut way back in 6^th grade.  It was undeniable.  I was born to be a diva.  The only thing that was missing was my elephant, my pool, my outrageously overwhelming possession that would make others say “she has what?!”  I’m not sure if you know this but being a diva pays very little – zero dollars to be exact.  How was I going to afford something grossly unbelievable? 

I sat down and considered my options.  I could get a second job, but that would require work.  I could invent something that others just could not live without, but mascara had already been invented.  Maybe I could do something really cool and draw attention to myself and become an overnight sensation, but I didn’t really have anything all too interesting to share with the world.  I was going to have to resort to other methods.  I was going to have to use my sad eyes. 

I’ve mentioned before that my super power is extra cold feet.  The powers of my frosty feet cannot be denied.  I can have blankets and shocks showered on me at the simple touch of a pinky.  I can banish others to their own side of the bed with one quick tap of a toe.  It’s so simple.  Unfortunately it is still warm in Georgia.  My super power is not at the peak of its power in September.  So, what else?  What other super powers did I have that I could use to attain Step 4 in becoming a true diva?  Wait!  I had forgotten something.  I have another super power.  I don’t use this one too often because it is even more powerful than my extra cold feet.  It is my sad eyes. 

At a young age all little girls learn the powers of sad eyes.  The key is to look so adorably cute and helpless that others will not believe that you have just pulled your sister’s hair or stolen her favorite doll.  I had a lot of practice at this.  It took a few spankings and being found out before I was able to hone in and develop a truly undeniable product.  As I’ve gotten older my sad eye super power hasn’t diminished.  It has quite possibly gotten stronger.  A husband does usually expect to be confronted with sad eyes.  He usually expects push back, determination.  I wielded my sad eyes and Todd was putty in my hands.  My plan was working.  I was finally going to attain my truly outrageous purchase and become a real diva. 

So, what did Todd allow me to get that will have others looking at me in a different light?  A car!  That’s right people.  It may seem really simple, and so what if I needed a new one, so what if it was a great deal and has great gas mileage, so what if I’ll wind up driving it for 10 years?  I am determined for this to be my obscenely outrageous purchase.  That’s right.  A Honda Accord is opulent.  Have you seen the Straight Talk commercial that says “Carrying a toy dog because you feel richer effect”?  Well, I have a toy dog (Percy) and now I have a new car – BAM!  I’m a diva.  That just happened.

If I could have anything to eat I would like a grilled cheese and some tomato soup.  My song of the day is "Glamerous" by Fergie. 

http://grooveshark.com/s/Glamerous/3COsTj?src=5

Reminder: The Get Your Rear in Gear 5K Run/Walk - Diva Dash is this weekend!  It's not too late to signup.  Why don't you come walk with me?  All the cool kids are doin' it.

http://events.getyourrearingear.com/site/TR?fr_id=1063&pg=entry