8/22/11 – Well, it has finally happened. I dislike myself.
I’m sure there are a million reasons for a person to no like themselves. We live in a society where people are brainwashed into thinking that they are not good enough and we will only be loved if we are beautiful. Botox, plastic surgery, teeth whitening, and augmentation rule the day. I’m not saying that doing any of that is wrong, but we have to make sure that we are doing it for us and not for others.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to be thought of as cute as much as the next girl. So much of our self worth is tied up in how others and we perceive us.
What has me disliking myself on this 22nd day of August? Clothes. Sure, there are a number of reasons that your clothes can make you feel bad about yourself – too tight, out of style, just not feeling the combination of clothing, … My self loathing is a whole other level of clothes discontentment. I am unhappy with myself because I’m too matchy. Yep, being too matchy can be a real problem for me.
When I am putting outfits together I try to get things that “go” together but not necessarily match. I really am against being overly coordinated. I’m not a Stepford Wife, no need for all that perfection. I like to wear things that are fun and mix and match everything. If I were to ever wear blue shorts, blue shirt, blue shoes, and blue socks I would have to evaluate my status as a diva.
Well, today I went shopping with Bekah to get some workout clothes. She needed to pick up an outfit and of course I can’t go shopping and just look – it’s not in my nature. I found a cute pair of grey shorts with hot pink accents on clearance. I then found a hot pink shirt that would go well with the shorts and looked overly comfortable. And, thus the matchy matchiness began. Once we returned from our lunch expedition I placed the clothes inside of my gym bag. I bought a gym bag on sale the other day that is purple with hot pink accents. My lock that Todd bought me is purple and my water bottle is pink. Seriously, I am disgusting myself just talking about it. I think what makes it even worse is that I’m not a pink girl. Pink has never been my favorite color. I don’t dislike it, I just don’t like it the best. I have very little pink clothing. Now, in one swoop, I have entirely too much pink.
That my friends is the reason I don’t like myself today. I’m not that girl. I’m not the girl that has to match. Why? Why do I find myself drawn to all this pink and purple matchy stuff? I’ve basically reverted back to being a 4th grade girl, all I need is Hello Kitty or Pochacco on my gym bag and shirt to make it real.
If I could have anything to eat I would like some pizza (since we are talking about what I have in common with 4th grade girls – my favorite food is pizza). My song of the day is “Barbie Girl” by Aqua.
Night y’all!
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