8/8/11 – I’m thinking about cutting off my fingers.
I know that sounds drastic, but what other option do I have? Just continue to let the numbness spread? I’m pretty sure there is a verse in the Bible that says “if your right hand offends you, cut if off”. I did not look the verse up and I might be misquoting the Bible but I’m pretty sure that is what the verse says. I don’t mean to poke fun at a Bible verse but let’s just face it, my fingers are offending me.
Every day I wake up and will them to develop more feeling. Every day they continue to become more and more numb. I even had a moment when I couldn’t get the back on my earring because I could not feel where the hole was. I had to do it with my left hand instead of my right.
Don’t worry about my pain. I’m almost 80% sure that it won’t hurt a bit. I won’t need any topical numbing cream (though I do have some) because my fingers have no feeling. Maybe I can get some cool prosthetic finger tips? Maybe purple ones that can type 12 times faster than my normal fingers? That could be cool. I told Todd my plan to remove my numb fingers and he asked if he could do it. No! They are bothering me, so by golly I’m gonna be the ones to get rid of them.
All of this sounds a little morbid, but seriously, if I were kidnapped and the kidnappers were going to have to chop off a body part to mail in to prove that they had me I would gladly offer up a finger or two. Can you imagine their disbelief at my willingness to cooperate or the “Thank goodness!” I would yell once the feeling had been restored to my semi-functioning limbs? I could potentially tick them off, but I’m willing to take that chance. Having bad people chop off my fingers would mean that I would have to actually be kidnapped and I’m pretty sure that once the creeps learned how mouthy I am they wouldn’t want to keep me. Plus, what would they be hoping to get? Surly not money, that would be a laugh.
If I could have anything to eat I would like some tiramisu. My song of the day is “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio.
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