A closer look at my port

Ready to have my port deaccessed!

5/19/11 – Thursday once again. 

Thursdays are tough.  It’s something about opening my eyes on Thursdays that just screams “better to skip this day all together”.  I woke up at 6:30 with the alarm and had to do some quick calculation.  It was 6:30, my ride was going to be at the house at 12:30, did I have enough time to take another Ativan and get some more relief before tackling the day?  The answer was “yes”, yes I did have enough time.  The Ativan knocked me out and made me feel much better.  I don’t even remember Todd leaving for work.  I was so tired.

I rolled out of bed at 11:00, ate a little breakfast, and got ready for my appointment.  I tried to eat a good meal and dress cute since I felt gross.  I find that it is best to dress better than you feel because it will make you actually feel better.  Clothes therapy.

Claudia picked me up right on time and we headed to have my port deaccessed.  Claudia was the perfect driver.  She kept me entertained and didn’t make me feel weird even if I do tend to have diarrhea of the mouth when I get nervous or overly tired.  It’s a good friend who realizes that someone just needs someone to listen or carry on random conversation to make you feel better.  I’m sure if I had asked Claudia to sing me a song she would have belted one out right then and there.

After the deaccess and ride home I got comfortable and passed out (no, not literally) on the couch.  I woke up to Todd calling to confirm that Buster and Percy were still in the backyard because one of our neighbors had seen a boxer heading out of the subdivision.  I opened the door and two crazy dogs ran inside.  Nope, our dogs are not breaking out of the subdivision any time soon. 

I fell back asleep and woke up when Todd came home.  I am feeling weak and my legs have threatened to fail me a few times, but I’ve kept on truckin’.  I went outside to get a little fresh air and decided that we should go on a walk.  We took the dogs and just walked to the next street.  It is only .2 miles but I think a lady in a motorized wheel chair could have lapped me 7 times.  I took it slow but enjoyed the air and the scenery.  There was a moment I contemplated just stopping or possibly throwing up in a rose bush but I decided that would not be very lady like.  Suck it up Shea!  You’ve got this.

I’m now drinking coffee, willing the gross throat feeling away, watching television and relaxing with Todd. 

As I was getting ready today I took a picture of my port when it was accessed.  I know I’ve shown y’all what the port not accessed looks like (just a little bump beneath my skin that looks like a bruise) but I’ve never shared what it looks like when it is accessed.  The port itself looks like a smooshed gum drop that is kind of sticky in the center and is implanted just beneath my skin.   It doesn’t hurt, just feels like a hard bump that doesn’t bother me or my squeamishness one bit.   A 90 degree needle is inserted into the port so it lies flush against my chest but goes straight into my port that connects to a main vein that administers the chemo.  If you’re squeamish you might not want to look at the picture, but I want to be open and share all the pieces of my treatment.  This is a regular day to day thing that I deal with during a chemo week. 

I’m not feeling fabulous, but today has been a regular Thursday.  I should start to feel slowly better over the next few days.  If I could have anything to eat I would like a Coke Icee – a big one.  My song of the day is “Mad World” by Michael Andrews. 

http://grooveshark.com/s/Mad+World/AcV1d?src=5

Night y’all.

The lines above are just incisions.  The port access is the yellow piece.  That is what the needle is attached through and the IV running from that attaches to my pump that I have for 2 days.  After the 2 days the needle is removed once the pump is finished administering my chemo.  It doesn't hurt but it does start to irritate me a little by Thursday.  When it removed I get really tired.