4/14/11 – Well, today is the day! I made sure the house was straight, double checked all my packed, and made it through work. My mom always told me to make sure your house was clean before you leave to go out of town because you never want to come home to a dirty house. I can’t say that I always follow that rule of thumb but it definitely does help.
So, today I have to share something that’s been bugging me lately. Work. I know I probably shouldn’t speak badly of my work because they have been so kind to me, but it’s not that kind of issue that’s bugging me. It’s the fact that I’m not there. Someone else is doing my stuff. It’s starting to get to me.
Ok, I’m sure some of you may be confused. Let’s revisit the fact that when my surgeon told me on Friday, December 10th that I needed to have surgery and I asked how long I would be out I thought the 6 – 7 days he told me was in response to how long I would be out of work, not in the hospital. In my mind I had a problem with being out of work 6 – 7 days in December. I’m an accountant and that is my busy season. I didn’t have 6 – 7 days to be out of work, so you can imagine how I reacted when I was told that I would be in hospital 6 – 7 days and be out of work for 4 – 5 weeks. My exact words were “You don’t understand, it’s yearend. The auditors are coming.” My surgeon’s response to me was “You don’t understand. You are having major surgery.” How right he was. I had no clue.
Obviously things turned out to be a little more than planned, so now instead of being out of work 4 – 5 weeks I am now on and off again depending on my chemo schedule. Every other week I work a full week. My chemo weeks I usually average anywhere from 16 – 20 hours.
In my absence my coworkers have had to pick up the slack. When other people are doing your job there are a lot of improvements that can be made just by having a fresh set of eyes. As, I’ve come back to work I’ve enjoyed seeing how things have changed and been made more efficient. What is starting to get to me is the fact that other people are still having to do some of my daily tasks. Tasks I really enjoy.
Picture this, you have something that you do at work that you enjoy and you really take ownership of. You don’t mind coming in to work every day because this thing that you do makes you feel good, challenges you, and isn’t boring. Now imagine you’re not able to do this task for one reason or another for a period of time. When you come back to work someone else is doing that task to cover the area. Since you’re unable to pick up all your tasks and start back working as normal immediately you are given a list of things to work through to occupy your time. Yes, these are things that need to be done and are slightly interesting but you miss your original task. What will it look like when you get it back? What are other people doing to it in your absence? Is it being done correctly? You start to become jealous of the other people doing your task. It's yours. Well, it was.
So that's where I am. Is this jealousy, or just longing? I'll go with longing and a twinge of lack of control. I miss my regular work and my regular schedule. I wish that I could blink my eyes and go back to pre-December 10th and go into work for just a regular day with my regular tasks sometimes.
Todd and I are now in D.C. I'm looking forward to having a great day of sight seeing tomorrow. I plan to catch a food truck somewhere and try out some local food like I love. If I could have anything to eat I would like strawberries. My song of the day "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by Janis Joplin.
Night y'all!
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