4/12/11 – Happy Tuesday! Today has been much better than yesterday. Good day.
Yesterday was hard. Generally the Mondays after chemo are good days. On Mondays I usually wake up and feel great. Mondays are what I focus on during chemo week to pull me through – that first day when I wake up and the pain and tiredness is gone. Not so this week.
Monday I woke up and immediately thought “this isn’t good”. Nausea my dear, dear friend. Why? Why can’t you just leave me alone? And, why have you decided to hang around until Monday? Don’t you know you’re supposed to be gone by now? Apparently not.
I woke up and felt gross just like any other chemo day. Not cool. I drug myself out of bed and tried to work some. Working was hard. I thought maybe if I ate it would help, but eating didn’t seem to work either. Of course the anti-nausea drugs are useless but I took one anyway. Not even an effective placebo.
I haven’t experienced fatigue like that either. All I wanted to do was sleep. When I stood it felt like my legs wouldn’t support me and my arms felt like I had done a lot of heavy lifting and were sore from the nonexistent exercise the day before. Very odd.
I had been warned that the effects of the chemo would build but I never thought it would carry over into my Monday. Monday was like the golden day. In my mind when I thought of Mondays there was this bright light that surrounded the day and you could hear lots of voices singing “waaaahhhh…..” Mondays were on a pedestal – the goal, perfection. But now, my perfect day is tarnished. What? Am I supposed to look forward to Tuesday now? Tuesday…. Eeeh. It seems so mundane. But Monday. Monday is the start of the week. It’s new. It’s fresh. Unfortunately it is no more.
So, now I am embracing perfection Tuesday. The day that things return to as normal as I can get. I was afraid that Monday would carry over into Tuesday and I just couldn’t stand for that. I forced myself out of bed and to work this morning. I knew that pushing myself to go into work would renew my focus and my spirits. I’m not sure if it’s the work environment or just the fact that Monday was over, but today has been a good day. Lots accomplished and no icky feeling plaguing my day. Victory! Success!
Now I’m faced with the fact that my “up” week is now significantly shorter. Sure it’s just one day, but one day is a long time when you don’t feel fabulous for 6. And now I won’t feel fabulous for a full 7 days?! Unacceptable. Unfair. My “up” week goes by too quickly and my chemo week goes by too slow. Guess that’s life. I basically tell myself “deal with it!” and press on. I’ll take any good days that are thrown my way. Focus on the good (like my personal pep talk?).
If I could have anything to eat I would like some grapes, scratch that, cherries. Fresh sweet cherries please. My song of the day is “Higher” by Creed.
Night y’all!
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