7/19/11 – That’s right, I’m back again making up for the blogging that I lost.
Yesterday I took it slow and headed in to work around 10:00. I still have some of those lingering fatigue and nausea feelings. Todd was my cheerleader and told me to “man up” which helped boost my energy a little – nothing like being slightly insulted to boost your productivity. I worked until about 2:00 and then headed home to finish working and rest a little.
Kristina and I went to see the final Harry Potter yesterday evening. I readied myself for the final movie with a Coke Icee and some friend time. The movie was great, but I’m relatively sure that you are not supposed to cry during Harry Potter. It is just not the type of movie that evokes that sort of emotion. Why is it that towards the end I found myself tearing up? Um… what was going on? Ok, let’s face it, I am slightly (denial – highly) emotional lately. I do have a lot going on but still…crying during Harry Potter? I’m sure I over analyzed my tearful moment just as much as a psychologist might but I found that all in all my feelings were valid. It was a sad point in the movie. The whole movie series was ending with that one movie. No more Harry Potter to look forward to in the future. Yep, crying during Harry Potter is totally ok, at least that is what I’m telling myself.
After the movie Kristina and I headed home reminiscing about the “good times” with Harry Potter. I now need to watch all the movies over again. I’m not ready to let go.
Once I got home Todd met me at my car and said “wanna go for a walk?” Think, think, think… “Sure!” I changed clothes and slipped on my tennis shoes and we hit the road with the dogs in tow. Todd and I started our diet yesterday and part of that for me is starting to work out again as I feel better and my breathing improves. As we were walking down the road it randomly started to rain. Todd turned to me and said “You just love walking in the rain.” Yup! The rain lasted about 2 minutes while Todd and I finished our walk. Day one of diet and exercise, check.
Now that y’all know all I’ve been up to over the past few days how about a little chemo talk again? As I have said a 100 times now, I had my last chemo treatment last week. When I went in I mentioned to my doctor that my fingers were still numb and asked if that was ok. He kind of looked and me and said “No. We should probably lower your dosage.” I asked if the numbness would finally go away after my treatments ended and he said that it would get worse before it would get better and that 13% of people keep their numbness. Seriously?! I do NOT want to be in that 13%.
So now my thumb and index finger are permanently (temporarily – fingers crossed) numb. It’s not the numb where you could stick a needle in my finger and I wouldn’t feel it but the numb where I look at my fingers and wonder why they aren’t blue. My two fingers feel like they weigh 5 lbs each and I am very aware of their numbness. I seriously contemplated calling my doctor and asking if they could do anything for the numbness because it is bothering me so much. No, it doesn’t hurt, but it is annoying. Annoying things over time turn into a new form of torture. It’s like a little drop that falls on your head. It doesn’t hurt, but after 5 days, after 10 days, after a month the drop, drop, dropping will drive anyone insane.
Am I insane? Not yet, but I don’t think I’m too far off if my fingers don’t start to feel normal. I may start randomly yelling at people or thumping myself in the head. There is no telling what this could drive me to. I’m like a caged animal who can see my escape but there is no way out. Yeah, I like overdramatic statements…
In case any of you are interested in what exactly is going on with my fingers I have pulled some information. Numbness during my chemo is considered a normal side effect. During treatment my fingers would go numb if I touched anything cold and over the course of my treatments my extremities would randomly go numb and gain feeling on a whim. This is called neuropathy. Here is a good article about what neuropathy is, how it is caused, and what can be done to cure or prevent it. I found the article interesting, especially since it is something that I’m dealing with.
That’s about it from me for now. If I could have anything to eat I would still like a blizzard – butter finger please. My song for today is “Feelings” because I have lost the feelings in my fingers! LOL!
Night!
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