3/31/11 – Sorry I did not blog yesterday but Todd and I met a friend from out of town and went to eat at the Vortex. I was trying to decide between the nacho tots (like nachos but with tater tots instead) and a cheese burger. I asked our server and she said “We’re not known for our nacho tots”. They are known for their burgers. Decision made. Burger and drinks ordered! I can honestly say that was one of the best burgers I’ve had. Instead of regular cheese I got the whisky pimento cheese on my burger along with tater tots as my side. Delicious!
I am starting to notice that my hair is thinning. I knew it had started to thin but actually noticing it is a little different. I went in to work yesterday. As I was getting ready I looked at my hair and could just tell that it wasn’t as thick as it used to be. Every time I wash my hair I see a nice chunk of hair come out. I can’t really explain how it feels to watch it as it washes down the drain. I’m thinking “Really? I have to go through all this and feel this way and on top of that watch my hair go down a drain?” Kind of like losing a part of you but you can’t control it.
Just imagine if you were in the shower and your normal amount of hair came out – no biggie right? Now imagine you’re washing your hair and as you massage the shampoo in you pull your hand away and it has hair all over it. You rinse you hair and hair comes out as you slick the water out of your hair. Of course you have to condition too which only provides more time for more hair to come out. After showering you brush your hair and wonder just how much more is going into your brush nowadays. For me, I also put a leave in conditioner and some gel to control my curls and the same process happens all over again. Sure it is a little at a time but when you look back on it, it is a lot more than any normal hair shedding. You would think I could just stop washing my hair and the problem would be fixed. Think again. All I have to do is touch or look at my head really hard and it just falls out on its own. I have to face it, it’s just going to happen.
I think women are very sensitive about their hair. I know I am. As the hair goes down the drain I wonder if my hair is still growing and how much longer my hair will continue to thin. I’m only on treatment 4. I have 8 more to go. How much more noticeable is it going to get?
There are times when I’m watching the last strand of hair slide down the drain that I just wish it would all fall out because if it all fell out then I wouldn’t have to lose it day after day. It would just be done. The problem with that is (1) I don’t know what I would look like with a bald head. Some people can pull it off but until it happens you don’t know if you’re one of those people. (2) If all my hair fell out that would also mean that I wouldn’t have eyebrows or eyelashes. I don’t think I could survive long without eyelashes. I love mascara too much.
I process these thoughts and shrug my shoulders and say “Eeeh… I can do this. It will come back.” As of right now I don’t think anyone other than me can notice and my hair is only supposed to thin, not completely fall out. I told Todd about being able to notice a difference in my hair and he kind of just shrugged it off. I wanted a little sympathy. Maybe guys are just programmed to be ok with hair loss. For me it is short of traumatic. I needed a hug and a “You hair looks great baby”. Maybe the lack of response means that he thought I was being silly and my hair looked just as good as normal? I have rather large hair in general and I had my hair cut shorter to make it look thicker. All of that said, it’s still hard because I know even if no one else does.
It’s times like that. When I’m having a good week and I’m feeling great that the chemo likes to remind me that I’m not as normal as I feel.
I can still do this. I’m still the same ol’ Shea. God is still in control and I’m still not scared. I’m still a person though and I do still have feelings. I’m not always as strong as I appear but I never doubt the fact that I will make it through.
Since today is the last day of colon cancer awareness month we will have one final fact. www.cancer.org
Can you reduce your risk for cancer recurrence?
Most people want to know if there are things they can do to reduce their risk of getting cancer again (either a recurrence or a new cancer). Unfortunately, for most cancers there is little solid evidence that can guide people in this direction. This doesn't mean that nothing will help -- it's just that for the most part this is an area that hasn't been well-studied. Most studies have looked at ways of preventing cancer in the first place, not preventing recurrences.
One thing that can help is going for follow-up exams, especially colonoscopy. We know that colonoscopy can find polyps before they become cancers. Regular colonoscopy can help prevent any new colon cancers.
However, some studies have pointed to exercise and having a healthy diet as things people can do that might help reduce the risk of colorectal cancer returning.
Today has been a pretty slow day for me. I worked from home because I was so tired from yesterday and I know I’m working a full day tomorrow. Rest is key. If I could have anything to eat I would like an apple and some peanut butter. My song of the day is “Whip My Hair” by Willow Smith.
Night y’all!
Shea you are beautiful inside and out no matter what:)We love you.
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