Smile or Cry - what to do?

12/30/10 – Hello all!  Each day I have started setting goals for myself.  Yesterday’s goal was to walk to the next street, down and back.  I am happy to report that I accomplished my goal.  I walked .54 miles.  It is a light downhill slope to the next street and then a moderate hill back to the house.  There were times when I wondered if I would hyperventilate on the side of the road, but I made it!  Success!  Yes, I was sweating and breathing like I just ran a marathon, but I did it!  Small victories.

Last night we went to Lake Lanier’s Magical Nights of Lights.  I had already brought a groupon, so we kind of had to go or I would be throwing away $30.  It was nice, but I think I was tired because I never took my nap after waking up at 4:00 yesterday.  I wasn’t in the best of moods and was getting sleepy fast.  We were riding around in the dark looking at Christmas lights.  It was cool and going after the holidays is definitely the way to go, but something is just kind of sad when there is a sign that recommends you tune your radio to 98.5 for Christmas music but wind up listening to Delilah instead.  I’m just sayin’.

After looking at Christmas lights my head cold was kicking in and we started talking about my pet peeves, namely Frosty flavors.  I decided that a Frosty would make my scratchy throat feel oh so much better.  Plus, the fact that we have been watching a lot of TV since I’ve been stuck at home and one person can only watch so many commercials for the new sea salt hand cut fries at Wendy’s without wanting to try one.  Needless to say, I got a Frosty (Frosty flavor) and fries.  They were yummy!  A definite improvement upon the original Wendy’s fries.

Once I got home Todd and mom started playing Tiger Woods golf.  The only interest I had in the golf game was how Stella kept watching the golf ball on the TV screen.  It was pretty funny.  She would sit there and just stare at the TV (which is not normal for her).  I quickly became bored and decided to watch Toddlers and Tiaras.  It’s like watching a train wreck, but I can’t look away!  Maybe it was the hot toddy and the vapor rub, but something about that show intrigues me.  Anyway, I finally got a good night sleep.  Yay!   

Today mom and I went to Larson-Juhl to pick up a picture I had framed before the surgery and to say “hey” to all my coworkers.  It was really nice to see everyone and my desk looked like a jungle filled with tons of flowers and plants!  I felt a little out of it because in my mind I feel just like the usual me but when I get around larger groups or in public I can tell that I’m not back to normal yet.  I’m not as talkative as I was before.  I loved getting to see everyone.  Lots of hugs all around.  I’ve noticed that I hug people a lot more now.  If you are some random stranger reading my blog, if I saw you in public and you were to say “Hey, you’re Shea.  I read your blog” I would totally hug you!

We couldn’t stay at work too long because we had a hair appointment to make.  I love love love to get my hair done!  Love!  There is something about hair color, the driers they make you sit under, and knowing that you’re going to have an awesome style that just make me happy!  Each day I try to write down 2 things that make me happy for no good reason (I think the song Blink by Revive really got to me).  Well, today I wrote “getting my hair done” along with “things that sparkle”.  If anyone needs a good hair stylist/therapist I highly recommend Salon Sedona on Pleasant Hill, ask for Carie.  So, my busy day wrapped up with fabulous hair and then heading home to relax.

Mom packed up and headed home as soon as we got back from Carie’s.  I was all alone…  I changed into my fluffy robe and got comfortable.  Todd was working 8 – 5, so I shouldn’t have too long by myself.  Well, at 5:00 I get a call from Todd that his manager needs him to work later for a project – ok, c’est la vie.  I had already started watching a movie I had recorded pre-surgery.  Picture it – me in my robe with cute hair, curled up on the couch, watching a girly movie all alone.  All I need to make this a perfect picture is a few more cats and tissue to cry into.  I’ve decided that watching Lifetime love movies while home alone is destructive and no one should ever do it.  Tears are bound to happen.  It what Lifetime thrives on.  One Sunday when Todd and I first got married I watched Lifetime and ate a whole box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls while Todd was at work!  A whole box!  Why didn’t I learn my lesson then?  In the future I will suck it up and watch Holmes on Homes instead.

So, that’s basically my day.  Nothing too too interesting but I did accomplish my goal for the day – to visit work and get my hair done.  I had some delicious taco soup for dinner tonight and last night I finally got the Chinese food I’ve been wanting since I was told not to eat anymore after snacking on Todd’s left over Long John Silver’s.  I could, however, go for some greasy potato chips.  Ruffles!  Since I mentioned it earlier I think my song of the day should be Blink.  I absolutely love that song.  It really puts a lot of things into perspective for me.  “Teach me to number my days, And count every moment before it slips away, Take in all the colors before they fade to grey, I don’t want to miss even just a second more of this.  It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash, it happens in the time it takes to look back,…”  Those simple words challenged me, even before all of this – before cancer – to think about the things that I love.  The little things that make me happy daily.  No, they don’t have to be spiritual.  They just have to be things that you would miss if you didn’t have them or simple things that make you smile.  This summer we were riding in the boat and as we were riding along I looked up and saw a butterfly flying alongside us for just a moment, but that is a moment I will never forget – a moment that made me feel very small but made me smile. 

Enough sappiness.  I’m going to relax some more. Maybe watch Toddlers and Tiaras again.  I hope you all have a great night!  Smile.