Checking In

How am I doing? I can honestly say that I am doing great! No, every day is not perfect. I do still get stressed out and have my moments, but I’m doing good.

How am I feeling? I am feeling great! My numbness is slowly starting to go away. I still have numbness in my finger tips and my toes but it is no longer getting worse. I think part of me has gotten accustomed to the lack of feeling but I do also think that the feeling is starting to return. It doesn’t hurt like it used to and basically doesn’t bother me more than an occasional annoyance.

I am finally feeling like I’m back in my grove at work. I don’t feel as sluggish mentally as I did at first which is a blessing. I do still get tired but I try to get to bed early so I am well rested.

What have I been up to? I have been busy, busy, busy! I have been working, exercising, reading, and getting back in the swing of an active household. I am now a participant again and not just a spectator. I’ve had a renewed push at work and have found myself out pacing my expectations. I have read several books and still love getting lost in a good novel. I try to go to the gym 5 times a week and though I don’t always see the number results I would like I enjoy the exercise.

I’ve been busy at church hanging out with the middle school girls which is always a treat. We recently finished an entire weekend geared toward them. They wore me out!

I have been to the doctor for my 3 month check up and was pronounced “normal”. I saw my dermatologist and had a questionable spot removed from my leg – That is quite a story. I nearly passed out 3 times in the doctor’s office and once on my car drive back to work! Peanut M&M’s and a Coke saved my life! I also went to the dentist and discovered that chemo sometimes can give you cavities and I am a recipient of that lovely gift. On top of all that craziness I am having a CT Scan tomorrow!  No rest for the weary.

On top of all that I have started back to school. I was almost half way finished with my Accounting MBA when I was sidetracked last year. I was nervous to start back but I’m in my fourth week of class and feeling good. I think my blogging has caused me to write too much on my discussion board posts! I’m sure my fellow class mates loooove me….

Like I said, I’ve been busy.

Why haven’t I been writing? Mostly I haven’t been writing because I’ve been busy. By the time I get to work, go to the gym, get home, cook dinner, work in the house a little, and do homework I simply don’t want to do anything else. I want to sit. I want to sit and do nothing. I love writing, but it takes a lot of time and it’s not easy to write when your brain has already shut off.

The other small reason I haven’t been writing is because I sometimes wonder if I have anything worth writing about anymore. When I was going through chemo I had something to share. I had stories that I wanted to convey to people that might not know what it was like to go through surgery and chemo on a regular basis. Now, I feel that my struggles are the same. I can write about them once but who wants to hear that I’m tired day after day after day? I’m working on that - on realizing that people who read want to know.

Am I doing better with the depression? I am doing a lot LOT better with depression. I would like to say that after my last blog about depression that I didn’t struggle with it again, but I did. It got worse and it got worse quickly. I realized that asking for help doesn’t mean that you don’t believe God can’t help you too. He gives us the knowledge to know when we need to say “hey, I can’t do this on my own.”

I do still struggle from time to time but not nearly to the level that I had reached. I have never felt anything like that before and I don’t want to go back there. I understand it. And, part of me is glad that I experienced it so I can relate to others and say “No, this is not a made up thing. It’s real and it’s ok.”

So, to sum it all up– I’m good, I’m busy, I’m healthy, and I’m happy!